Abroad in New York?

2012-01-18T23:26:00.001-05:00

In June 2007 (as a callow 23 year old) I made the following list of things to accomplish in 5 years, bolded items in mint green have been accomplished, with editorial notes in the parentheses:

Professionally:

In or having finished an MFA program (I applied to programs in 2010 and was not accepted, I plan to reapply in the upcoming year...)

Having made money for my writing (I have made money for my dramaturgical work, does that count?)

Write at least one full-length play a year (I've done this, full-length plays include: Fee, Midnight Clear, Sezze Sun, and The Tutor, working on my fifth)

A production in New York or London (1 month+ run) (technically I have not had a one month run, but two 3-week runs and a fringe show)

2 or 3 directors I like working with (this used to scare me a lot. it doesn't anymore, which is nice)

Something published (a monologue of mine will be published in an upcoming Best of 2012 monologue book)

An agent (this eludes me still)

Exploring other mediums (novel, screenplay, teleplay) (I've started two novels and written a first draft of a screenplay, that counts as exploring, right?)

Teaching? (i love the question mark here)

Personally:

Learn a new language (unless you count British English, this was not accomplished)

Have a pet (seriously, a pet? what was I thinking??)

Be in (or have been in) a healthy long-term relationship (does 3 months count as long-term? didn't think so. i've been in a number of unhealthy short-term relationships though!)

Exercise/maintain weight (flying colors! am in better shape now than in June 2007. suck it 23 year old me!)

Volunteer or some sort of charity work (hmm... I ran road races for charity? two birds one stone? nope, still kinda selfish)

Travel to at least 10 new countries (so far only six: Netherlands, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Bahamas, Switzerland)

Spend a month backpacking through Europe or somewhere before grad school or next major commitment (what a fucking dilettante I was back then! shoot me. though it would have helped me get my 10 new countries)

Drive cross-country (this is not at all hard and something I could actually do before June 2012, I've flown across the country only twice since 2007, but let's remember that 2 of those years I lived in London.)

Five more months to get some of these things done!!

2012-01-11T18:54:00.000-05:00

In keeping with my New Year's resolution kick, this article from the Times was interesting. It's true that if you actually write down your resolutions and let people know what they are, you're much more likely to follow them. I think by spreading mine out with different deadlines throughout the year I've made them easier to follow. The easiest resolution I made and kept was not taking sugar in tea and coffee. I made it in 2007 and still only put sugar in hot beverages once in a blue moon. As I recall, another classmate was doing it as a way to lose weight and I just hopped on the bandwagon. Like they say, doing things in pairs totally works!

2012-01-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

10 days into January and so far I'm doing ok with the New Year's resolutions. Which I suppose shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

Did two bikram classes last week (dragged McG to one on Saturday) and have booked two for next week. I like booking classes online, it forces me to actually go.

Friday night I saw Wit with my brother and his gf. I hadn't seen or read it, so it was a very pleasant surprise. It's a smart show with some interesting things to say about both poetry and the state of health care (my kind of play). And Cynthia Nixon was great.

Saturday was "drinking night" last week and it was super fun. Lyon and SE and I went to the Aires concert at Lincoln Center and the afterparty at the Empire Hotel. I felt a little old at the afterparty (though we weren't the oldest!), but the huge swelling of D pride I felt while watching Aires old and young sing Dartmouth Undying and Hanover Winter Song was well worth it. I did not talk to my Aires crush. Because apparently my fear of crushes does not stop when they are 7 years younger than me.

Sunday I watched two episodes of Greek and then hung out exclusively in Brooklyn. Met up with NC to catch up and then we got lunch with a friend from London and her friend from high school at a super cute cafe in Brooklyn Heights. After lunch we wandered around Cobble Hill (love wandering around with an urban planner, even though I did get a little irritable when I had to pee) and then I headed over to Park Slope for Downton Abbey and delicious treats with J. The next morning I started to look at real estate in Brooklyn Heights. And then remembered that I like being able to walk home from places in Manhattan.

Part of the drinking less resolution is a productivity thing. I always feel obligated to do something social in New York and because I have so much writing to do this month, I thought it would make a difference if I explicitly said I wouldn't drink. Unfortunately, I've still been hanging out with other people drinking, which doesn't help me write any. Tonight I went to the library, took out lots of books about lesbians and then headed home. I don't write well at home at night. Must figure out where/when I do write well. I am, after all, a writer.

2012-01-04T23:34:00.001-05:00

This morning I finished reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides and its general relevance to my life has had me thinking. For those who haven't/won't read it, it's about a collegiate love triangle in the mid-1980s: a young woman who loves her Austen and [George] Eliot and her two "suitors," the charismatic bipolar scientist and the soulful drifting searcher who happen to both study literary theory (ok Eugenides, did you read my moleskine before writing this?). Having dated or sought after guys with these qualities more often than not (and not particularly warming to theory as much as plot and prose), I lapped up the book in long hour+ reading sessions. It reminded me of college, of the confusion of post-college life, the yearning for someone that you're convinced is perfect for you. I found myself identifying with different characters in different ways and thinking about what I've done and how it could have been better or worse (luckily, I usually look back and think it could have been worse).

As you might imagine from the title, marriage and "coupling" are important aspects of the book. At this very single period of my life, I don't often think about marriage in a tangible way. My step-aunt (is that even a thing?) asked me over Thanksgiving if I want kids and I said, I wasn't sure. I say I'm not sure because I don't know the circumstances under which I would have kids. Who would their father be? Where would they live? Would they have a good life? If I can't answer those questions, then I don't see how I can answer the first. For many friends in my cohort, these things are much more tangible. Many of my friends have been blessed with partners who love them and treat them well and are, from all outward appearances, completely devoted to them. And there are moments when all I feel for them is envy. I find things about their partners to dislike and criticize and harp on. I assume that the bad things that happened to me will happen to them. The alcohol problem will turn into a cheating problem, the stubborn elitism will turn into disdain, the immaturity will turn into carelessness. Out of my brother and I, he was always the cynical one. Now I'm perceived as hardened and cynical by him and most likely my parents. I used to think that changed when I moved to London. I blamed it on being surrounded by English people. I think now it happened earlier than that. It happened when the possibility of a fairy tale ended. When I realized that all the things that I could say to someone or could be said to me could lose their meaning. And when I never really found anything resembling it again.

Every year, my family watches White Christmas on or around Christmas. This year was no exception and I took particular note of the relationship between Betty (Rosemary Clooney) and Bob (Bing Crosby). Betty thinks of men as knights on white steeds and a misunderstanding causes Bob to fall off his in her eyes. Because it's a movie, he rights himself and it all ends ok (I apologize if this spoils the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it). And not that I should be garnering life philosophy from a movie musical from 1954, but I wonder if rather than being cynical or envious, I should just appreciate that my friends, who are not unlike me, are lucky enough to have found someone willing to get back on their steeds or stay up there to begin with. And hope that some day I'll be mature and fortunate enough to allow someone to do the same.

2012-01-01T23:23:00.000-05:00

Just came up with some haphazard new year's resolutions. Here they are:

-drink once a week in January (month by month resolution)
-be doing something different job-wise by September
-average 2 bikram classes a week and run!
-have a calling card screenplay by July
-date someone for more than a month

The last one actually seems unreasonable given my recent history/bad luck in New York. We'll see.

2011-12-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

Wow. Apparently December has been a busy month. Either that or one during which I didn't particularly feel like writing anything. Am currently in Hanover, wearing Marc Jacobs knit wristbands, sweatpants and a very warm sweater. I got some fleece-lined leggings for Christmas, so it's been those and my sweatpants almost every day. So cozy.

Christmas Eve was crazy. The night before I went to Hugh Jackman's one man show with my brother. It was a 9pm curtain so everyone was a little drunk or crazy or whatever and it was just a wonderful, happy show. And my brother seemed to like it, so that was a bonus. Christmas Eve, we had a train to Providence at 8am, were picked up by our parents and then went to the Patriots-Dolphins fan. The first half was terrible, but they came back to win it in the second half and it ended up being a great game. After the game we headed into Boston to catch up with family friends and go to the Christmas Eve service. We were a little late and missed everything before the sermon, but it was nice to be there as a family and to see old friends. We got home around 11:30 and I retreated into the library to wrap presents with some wine and a turkey sandwich. After all that running around, most of Sunday was spent watching Indiana Jones movies on TV and being lazy.

The plan was to go to Killington during the week, but there's not much snow there and I have a play to write and my dad has a monograph to write, so we stayed here and I've been heading to the library to try to get some peace and quiet (it didn't work yesterday, the East Asian room was filled with international students talking rather loudly). Today I had some important emails to send (which seems like an oxymoron, but the older I get, it's not), tomorrow people begin to arrive for Hanover New Years.

Am two books shy of my goal of reading 50 books before the end of 2011 and about 30 pages into The Marriage Plot. I probably won't finish it by New Years, but I'm still proud of myself. That's a lot of books! A few years ago I compiled my favorites, maybe I'll do that again this year. I've been able to organize my reading thanks to Goodreads (there used to be a Facebook books function, didn't there?) and the New York Public Library's website. I feel bad about not buying books anymore, but when you read 50 a year, it definitely adds up.

2011-11-30T22:15:00.000-05:00

Quick procrastination before I finish up my Juilliard essay.

I don't think I've posted here about my obsession with The Sing-off and the Aires in particular, so I'm allowed to write something now. There's one that I have a little school girl crush on. And the more tidbits I learn, the more I realize that he is EXACTLY my type, just seven years younger than me. Seriously, if you made a list of qualities of certain exes of mine, he has almost all of them. The kicker that I just learned? He went to my brother school. Yup. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

My favorite:

2011-11-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

File this under "small world": After the D club meeting, Lyon and I went to Bierhaus with some other committee members and were at a communal table with a few strangers. The girl next to me recognized the guy next to her and it turned out that they had interned together and that he had transferred from D. We asked him why and he said that he had lived in a single in the basement of a dorm in the River. Turns out it was the building that I was a UGA in. And since there are only 2 singles per floor, and the other UGA lived on the other side, he lived below me for two terms. Later on in the night I told another friend who joked that it must have been all the loud sex from my room that caused him to transfer. New York is too small!

2011-11-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

Saturday night I was propositioned by an old friend. I arrived at another friend's birthday party and within minutes of reconnecting with this guy from middle school/high school he suggested that we have a child or two. I told him that I already had a contingency baby daddy in place and that he would have to "get in there" before I turn 35. He vowed to do so. And even though he's gay and just a big flirt, it gave me a funny little ego boost.

My play opened on Sunday night and we had a nice opening party afterwards. We ended up drinking whiskey on the rocks in the East Village until quite late. I'm very fond of all the writers and actors, so it's nice to have something that we're proud of and to be able to celebrate that.

I'm trying to avoid the inevitable come-down after a show. I have a few other writing projects that I need to gear up. And then it's the holidays, so I can be distracted by all that. Of course it's beautiful and sunny today and doesn't feel like November at all!

2011-11-01T10:17:00.000-04:00

Of course after a whirlwind birthday weekend, I ended up getting sick. Have been battling a cold for about a week now. Sore throat, hacking cough, the works. Which is difficult when you spend most of your free time watching theatre. I've gone through an entire bag of Ricola in the past 5 days! Friday night I saw Venus in Fur, Saturday I went to Sleep No More (rooms with fog machines were not my friend), Sunday I saw a college classmate play the lead in Sister Act (I was so proud I cried) and then yesterday I saw a workshop of a new musical and then went to Celebrity Autobiography with my brother and his gf. So cough suppression has been necessary.

Luckily I also still have the bourbon that I carried around the city of Boston, so I've been supplementing my regimen of sleep and Ricola with hot toddies at night. I can't tell if I'm getting better or if I'm just being ambitious. And I might be setting myself back slightly by going to Bikram today, but oh well, I feel like I need to sweat some of this out.

2011-10-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

Head of the Charles weekend usually corresponds with my birthday and most years I end up in Boston for the occasion. Despite not having a home in Boston anymore, I decided to spend the weekend up in Boston with some of my nearest and dearest. I took the bus up on Saturday morning after an evening out with SV my honorary "cousin" from work. FC's best friend in LA looks a lot like SV, and his band was in NYC for the week, so I took him to see the show and meet his doppelganger. They totally hit it off and there's even been talk of roping him in for a music video, which would be awesome.

Arrived in Boston around 12:15, got to Boxa's apartment as soon as she did (she was coming back from work, poor thing)and then met up with Lyon and Christine for lunch in Harvard Square. After salads from Border Cafe, we headed down to the river, where I met up with SP and CT at the Reunion Village. We arranged for some pre-gaming at CT's google apartment and bought some bubbles and beer and then hung out there until about 8:30. Headed over to another "pregaming" party where we played hellhole and drank too much too quickly. After hellhole we headed to Phoenix Landing. I was initially skeptical that this bar would be any fun, but once we were up on the benches, dancing our faces off, I didn't really care anymore. At some point a very tall, attractive guy came up to us and then he and I started somehow dancing together (even though he was on the floor), dancing led to making out (even though I was still on the bench) and eventually I hopped off for another hour or so of a very vigorous, intense dance floor make-out session. He had been a rower (had forgotten what its like to hook up with someone with a rower's body) and possibly went to Lehigh? Unclear. At one point he left, I found him at the bar closing his tab, he said he lived a block away and we decided to leave together. Once we got outside he asked me where I lived and I said New York. He laughed and asked where I was staying tonight and I said "in my friend's studio with 4 other people." Apparently he didn't live a block away. He lives in California and was also staying with friends. So I had my second ill-advised outdoor hookup in as many weeks while we tried to navigate what to do next. People from the bar came up to us to congratulate us, we discussed finding a hotel, it was all a bit of a blur. When I called him out for lying about studying Jane Austen (in addition to Theology and Philosophy) I tried to trick him, but the best I could come up with was "Where does Darcy live?" His response: "Pemberley, obviously." So not only was he hot, he also had retained some information from Pride and Prejudice. Jackpot. Or so I thought. After a little more street making out, I suggested that he call his friend (I don't know what I thought this would accomplish), and in the meantime I was going to add a layer to my outfit (had been dancing most of the night with a flannel shirt tied around my waist, a la 1996), he called his friend, walked down the street and didn't come back. I waited 5ish minutes, tried to follow where I thought he had gone, couldn't see him and then left. All of a sudden I realized it was 2:45 and I was in the middle of Cambridge with no way to get home. Cabs didn't appear to be stopping, so I just walked along Mass Ave. And then I hit the river, crossed the bridge and walked down Beacon Street (FC, I almost rang your parents' doorbell, but I figured I was mostly home), to Charles Street and eventually to Boxa's apartment.

The next morning we had a delicious brunch at Harvard Gardens before heading to the river and catching up with all sorts of people. Colleen's boat won! Last night was dinner with my parents, Boxa, Jeanette and CT in the North End followed by the annual party at Ned Divine's. Ran into some Dartmouth heavyweights (briefly made out with one, apparently if you put me near tall rowers I cannot help it), lied to a guy about being a Pulitzer-winning playwright (if you build it they will come) and then we had to tend to Jeanette who had lost her fleece/car keys. Became a rather stressful night, but my future husband, Boxa's little brother, saved the day.

Took the 8:30 bus to New York this morning and have been lazing around for the past three hours. Watched Pan Am, ate a cupcake, made some tea. Am about to get a mani-pedi before birthday drinks and Musical Monday. And then I return to my life of rehearsal rooms and actors.

2011-10-11T09:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday SE and I had a double feature of Ryan Gosling movies. We saw Drive at 11am, followed by the 1:30 showing of Ides of March. I enjoyed both (though was certainly more squeamish during Drive than I expected), but especially loved the Drive soundtrack. Here are some of the fantastically retro songs that will forever remind me of the baby goose driving around LA.

Enjoy!

2011-10-09T20:38:00.000-04:00

No word from the lax player. This has become ridiculous.

Last night I was invited to a party attended primarily by an elite group of acting MFA students. I was slightly worried about being the only non actor there, but the nice thing about actors who have been spending all their time with one another is that they like to talk to new people. I had very intense, "sharey" conversations with about 3 people and ended up hooking up with one of them on a stoop in the East Village. I was not so drunk that I realized that this was a little inappropriate and suggested that we return to the building. At which point I noticed that his drink had spilled and was all over my dress. So we went back inside and made out in the hallway until my dress dried. At one point, two Canadian guys from the party were watching us so I waved and then made us move to behind the staircase.* After we returned to the party I ended up talking with one of the Canadians about NHL players that I am acquainted with from college. And then he asked for my number. Which is kind of hilarious, because he definitely was watching me make out with the actor. When the actor left, he asked me how he could get in touch with me and I told him to "figure it out." Patti Stanger would either approve or disapprove. Am I playing games? Or am I forcing him to do some work?

I didn't get home until 4:30 and had to be in Brooklyn for brunch at a friend's apartment at 11 am. Brunch was absolutely delicious, despite the exhaustion/hangover. After brunch I went over to KD's apartment to chat and then came home to finish working on my script for my new play. We start rehearsals tomorrow night. And open in just over 3 weeks. Yikes!!

*One reason I'm "done" with actors? He accused me of not looking at him. And said that I was looking at his nose, not his eyes. And then told me that I should be able to see my reflection in his eyes. Give me a fucking break...

2011-10-02T20:00:00.000-04:00

Last Tuesday evening as I was awaiting FC's arrival in NYC I got a text from the lax player saying that he hadn't been blowing me off, that he was in Spain. Considering I hadn't heard from him in about 3 weeks, this was a surprise. Then Friday morning I got a text asking what I was doing this weekend. And of course we were free on different nights. This is becoming almost too uncannily difficult. Other than about 30 texts back and forth and 10 hours together almost a month and a half ago, there's been very little to go on here. And yet, for some reason I still feel compelled to at least give it a shot. Maybe because there's nothing else going on romantically, maybe because he actually seems to fit the "5 requirements." I know people in New York are supposed to move fast, but I'm almost enjoying this bizarre waiting game. But then again, I'm the same girl who spent 10 years in an on and off/unrequited relationship with someone, so we all know that I'm willing to wait it out.

In slightly related news, I'm obsessed with Millionaire Matchmaker after watching it with Boxa in Boston a couple weeks ago (I'm clearly very late to this party). It's so so entertaining. This episode forced me to run 4.5 miles last week on the treadmill...

Other than that, FC and I had a great time in New York this past week hanging out, walking around, eating and dancing. Sometimes it's so nice to have houseguests so that I don't feel as isolated in my apartment.

2011-09-22T00:42:00.000-04:00

My grandfather Bup just passed away, 3 weeks shy of his 93rd birthday. I've been semi-prepared for this for about a year and very prepared for the past 2 weeks. When my brother and I went up to NH for Labor Day, we visited him and watched the Red Sox score 8 runs in one inning before saying what we probably knew would be our last goodbye. Despite his memory loss, he was charming and self-effacing, just like every time I saw him.

He was raised as a member of the Salvation Army, attended school through 8th grade, went off to war only for the Navy to realize that he wasn't an American citizen. So he was naturalized as an American in Trinidad and sent back to do Shore Patrol. Following the war he married his childhood sweetheart and became an iron worker. He built bridges and skyscrapers. He never drank or smoked. He always insisted on giving my parents 50 cents for the toll whenever we went over for dinner. He steadfastly took care of my cousin for 30 years, and later on my grandmother when she began to lose her memory. And when she died almost 8 years ago, he visibly lost a piece of his soul. He was an incredibly decent, loving husband, father and grandfather and I'll miss him terribly. I'll also nurture those parts of him that were passed down to me. The steadfastness, the kindness, the devotion. I'll try to be less cynical, less judgmental and less afraid. And aim to emulate my grandfather, who built bridges.

2011-09-02T11:31:00.000-04:00

Had engaged in what I suppose is flirtatious texting over the past few days. Received two pictures from Montana (one of a mountain, the other of a litter of wild kittens) and a threat of a picture of the boy on a horse. He now claims that he "doesn't have it yet." I usually think flirtatious texting is a waste of time (and texts), but considering I'm going out of town for two weeks, it might be necessary. SH had to watch me giddily attempt this on Wednesday night after we saw Friends with Benefits while drinking wine in her apartment. I definitely skew pragmatic when it comes to texting (must my New England reserve and Angloesque personality), so this is a bit of a leap for me.

Yesterday at work was very bizarre. We were all strangely restless (so much so that we all gave ourselves glitter fairy tattoos-- mine is on my right calf) and then had some wine afterwards. Today I've already done laundry, eaten a delicious pumpkin scone from Alice's Tea Cup and am about to have a picnic in the park with JT.

Am trying to figure out how to pack for a long weekend in NH, two doctors appts in Boston, a week in London and wedding weekend on the Welsh border. I'm sure whatever I pack will be wrong.

In other news, check out this song by FC's friend's band. Seriously, I cannot stop listening to it.

2011-08-28T21:06:00.000-04:00

Oh, and the lax player texted yesterday to let me know he might be stuck in Montana until Thursday. Boo. This was NOT part of the plan... Especially since I head to NH on Saturday and London for a week the following Wednesday. But to be honest, I'm just impressed that he texted me on Saturday to tell me that. It's the little things...

2011-08-28T21:03:00.000-04:00

No power outage and no damage on the terrace. Now if only we could get the subway running. I've read one book (Your Voice in My Head, easy read, good if you like reading about crazy people and their romantic issues), watched 3 episodes of Game of Thrones and found lots of old David Bowie songs on YouTube to supplement his biography. Some of my favorites include:

2011-08-27T11:51:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to Coney Island with work friends to catch the fireworks before the hurricane. Of course we ended up being a little too late for the fireworks, but the chili dog from Nathan's and the cans of Corona totally hit the spot as we sat on a sheet on the beach and gossiped. Was supposed to work today, but got a phone call at quarter to midnight saying that we would not be open. So this morning, I decided to get to the gym before it closed at 11, got in a good run and weight session, went to Bed Bath and Beyond to see if there were any hurricane candle things (there weren't) and decided to just put up with the millions of tea lights that I have from Ikea and my kindle booklight if the power goes out. I'm pretty sure I don't have a flashlight.

Got home, moved my new plants into my kitchen and grabbed the glass top from my outdoor table to keep it safe just before it started to rain.

So now I'm in it for the long-haul. I have 5 books out from the library and would like to get through at least two of them.* I also started watching Game of Thrones yesterday morning and might watch a few more episodes of that. I have 2 bottles of port, some homemade gin, MF's left behind scotch and maybe I'll make some soda with the penguin so I don't turn into a pickle. To be honest, I like the excuse to stay in and be lazy. New Yorkers need that every once in awhile.

* Starman (the biography of David Bowie); Your Voice in my Head; Whip Smart; Edith Wharton (still) and Lee Miller: A Life (still)

2011-08-17T09:59:00.000-04:00

What is it that Lyon always says "sometimes you need to get under someone to get over someone"? In the wake of bizarre e-communication from Sunday night, my head was in a weird place. Fast forward to this morning where I'm waiting to hear from the hot guy I went home with on Monday night.

Monday was jam-packed with yoga, writing, a Nylon meeting followed by rehearsal and then a 10pm performance of my play. Afterwards, I went to the bar on the corner with some cast members and their friends. Chatted with an actor who is about to be in my friend's grad school class and then after noticing that the non-theatre guy was politely standing next to me while another actor told a very long story about working on a play commedia-style, I turned to him and asked him if he was also a theatre person (assuming that he was not). He said no, and we started talking about our respective college athletic careers. He expressed new respect for rowing now that he has to erg at the gym and recently did his first triathalon. It's refreshing to get to talk about things other than theatre when I meet people and after he gave me his anti-fraternity treatise I was officially impressed. So we left the couple on the awkward "first date" at the bar and started walking towards Houston Street. Around 1st Ave we grabbed a cab, I suggested we split it, but didn't necessarily suggest two stops. And when we got to his apartment he said he would love to invite me in for a beer. I agreed. After an hour or so of half-cuddling and pretending to drink our beers, he kissed me and some pseudo-romantic making out and serious throwdown ensued. I fought the urge to leave in the morning before he woke up (this is bad form and should only occur at college reunions when you're in a twin-sized bed with a giant), was rewarded with further throwdown and he ended up being rather late for work. On the street corner he said something about wanting to go out again and asked for my number and there was a cheek kiss turned actual kiss before I walked home through midtown and the park in my decidedly hipster outfit of plaid shirt, short shorts and wellies. Spent most of yesterday napping and reading the newspaper and slept another 9 hours last night.

There's another show this afternoon, then I'm meeting up with JN for dinner and Harry Potter (she had a family emergency on opening night, so we've postponed it).

2011-08-15T15:12:00.000-04:00

Three good things happened in quick succession over email today, so I don't know why I have to focus on the bad news or the weird news.

Good things: (1) I've finagled myself a meeting with an agent in London when I'm there next month. She's the agent who rejected my advances about 4 years ago(!!), but I thought I could get her advice on my new British play. (2) The young woman working for the publishing company who came to my play yesterday said that she loved it (as did her friends). It even inspired her to buy The Master and Margarita (not the point of the play, really, but I'll take it!). (3) That screenplay I wrote in the cabin last summer? It's been accepted by a group of Harvard actors to be one of the screenplays that they do an in-house reading of.

Bad things: (1)I didn't get a fellowship I applied for. (2) The person I cut out of my life a couple months ago decided that last night would be a good time to apologize over gchat for being in a "cone of silence." Tried to maintain ironic detachment, but still found it incredibly annoying/bad for my brain. Cones of silence can go both ways (whatever they may be)!

2011-08-14T18:24:00.000-04:00

The play opened on Friday night and it was a fun, well-attended night. We're still dealing with some technical issues (I think we were perhaps too ambitious for the Fringe), but otherwise it's going very well. There was some drama the night of, I got a call from one of the directors in the afternoon saying that he would send the programs to the Kinko's near the book shop to be ready by 6. Of course the show started at 7 and was at least 40 minutes away by train. So I stressed about this for a few hours and then just sucked it up, went to the Kinko's, tried to find a cab (in midtown at 6:15 on a Friday? good luck), and once I found one 20 minutes later I was whisked down FDR, windows open, trying to fold programs. Got to the theatre just in time to sneak in with the audience as they filed in and changed into my opening night outfit (sans clutch, which stayed in my Strand bag all night, oops). After the show, we headed over to our afterparty, which was good though a little crowded. Everyone was in good spirits and my parents really liked the play (despite the racy subject matter).

We've had two performances out of five and today's was smoother than Friday's, but rain, the MTA and the fact that the show was at noon, meant that the audience was pretty small and quiet. Hoping that tomorrow's late Monday slot will be a bit more rowdy.

I took the day off from obligations yesterday and went over to SE's apartment for beer and television. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was on, so we just watched that and chatted. It was perfect. Ended up walking home (not through the park) because it was kinda drizzling and I kept missing buses. And then I discovered a mouse rooting through the trash bag under my sink, eww. Got an actual garbage can with a lid and some mouse traps, but I may have to borrow SE's cat, Ginsburg, for a day or two. As long as he doesn't scratch up the furniture!

Off to rehearsal for my other show, shortly. Multi-tasking is driving me nuts.

2011-08-09T11:36:00.000-04:00

Things are still insanely busy and I barely have time to write this (though I did just have time to talk about the London riots with SS for about an hour). Both shows I'm working on have taken a lot of my brain power. And this weekend I spent 15 hours in the Park Avenue Armory watching 5 Shakespeare plays. It was an intense experience. One that has made my dreams more epic and romantic in nature (just what I need). Some of the shows were really excellent, some were ok. It was especially cool to see the actors playing different roles over the course of three days.

Went to the MOMA with AD on her birthday yesterday and we were sorely disappointed by the pretty terrible exhibitions that were on. Nothing appealed to us so we just wandered around and caught up. Then got some delicious street vendor food from the Biryani cart on the 46th and 6th. So good!

We teched my fringe play last night and it's starting to look pretty good. 3 more rehearsals until opening night! Yikes.

2011-07-26T16:44:00.000-04:00

Many things have taken place since my last post. I've travelled to New Hampshire and back. I've seen my new house, slept in my new room, hung out in Hanover like a townie rather than a student, started a novel, read half of a biography of Edith Wharton, decided the 5 characteristics I should require for my future husband (outdoorsy, curious, former athlete, likes his parents and appreciates theatre but does not work in the theatre), cast my Nylon writers group production, read an entire book about a modern day Ophelia, explored the new parts of the High Line, rehearsed for my New York Fringe play, booked a trip to London in September, flirted unsuccessfully with a brewery bartender, driven through a national park to the Continental Divide, learned exactly what the Continental Divide is, been mocked openly by a park ranger, pole danced at 1am, been hit on by Canadians far younger than myself, attended a wedding in Montana, pet some horses on a ranch in Montana, and organized an opening night party for my play.

Life has been full.

2011-07-02T07:02:00.000-04:00

Headed up to Hanover this morning for 10 days in the North Country. Will be spending time at the new family homestead, hopefully getting some solitude at the family cabin and having a play reading at a summer stock theatre in New London. Yesterday I headed to the library to get books for the trip, including the 800+ page book on Edith Wharton that came out in 2007. Let's see if I can push through it! Boxa's going to come up to visit next week during her day off, which will only slightly make up for the fact that she came come to Swan's wedding at the end of the month.

Had a great date night with NC last night. We met up at Shake Shack, ate in the park then walked to Cava, where we got some wine and sat at the window and then I got a totally unnecessary cookie from Insomnia Cookies before heading home to pack. Great to catch up with her one-on-one and hear about her new job. Didn't end up going to the Beyonce concert in the morning because it seemed like too much of a hassle. Instead I did laundry and went for a run around the park (so I got to hear strains of the concert while running past crazed Beyonce fans) before work.

2011-06-28T18:06:00.000-04:00

It's been an emotionally complicated past couple weeks. Don't really want to get into all the details, but suffice it to say that I have essentially cut ties with someone who has been a major player in my life for, oh, 10 years. At the moment I'm feeling pretty zen about it (must be those bikram classes I've been taking) and looking forward to a new stage in my life.

For some reason, I've always looked at crazy romantic relationships that end badly as some kind of model. When I was dating S, I used to internally think of him as the Ted Hughes to my Sylvia Plath (in hindsight, it was probably an apt comparison and I'm glad that relationship ended when it did). Now that I'm working on a play with Sylvia Plath as a major character (again), I look back at that time in my life with knowing amusement. I loved the chase, the bad behavior, the incongruous pairing of the two of us. To this day, I refer to him as "the sociopath I dated in London" with a bit of a grin. And I'm glad that that experience took place. That's equally true, though with less time between the transgressions and now, with SM. Not the best outcome from that romantic entanglement, but I feel like it was something that I otherwise would not have expected from myself. I suppose now is the time for me to find someone unexpected but who's not a dick. That would be a welcome change. Because even the "nice ones" have turned out to be monstrously disappointing in character. But what else is new?

Aside from all that... FC came into town for a nice visit, we had some epic nights out and I feel like I showed her a good time. When we came home at dawn on Sunday morning I was especially pleased with myself. And then I spent much of the next week sleeping.

Had the first read-through of my play on Wednesday and we'll start rehearsals when I'm back from New Hampshire later in July. Have also started casting the project that my writers group is working on. We have dates for performances in November and space for rehearsals all summer. I'm most proud of this because it's a group of people who would not have gotten together if I hadn't selected them. And we still all get along. And we're kinda like family at this point.

2011-06-13T16:21:00.000-04:00

Just had my first bikram class and kinda loved it. I can see why people are addicted to it. Partially because you can cheat a little. If you don't mind the heat and can get through the poses without resting or leaving the room it feels like a success. Of course, I've been practicing vinyasa long enough to know that just when you think it's easy, you realize that you aren't as good as you think you are. Same with everything really. As soon as life seems set, you set back and see what everyone else is doing and realize that you need to step up your game.

It's a good thing to remember, even though I'm sure my Type A upbringing doesn't really let me forget it...

And we'll see how sore I am tomorrow.

2011-06-05T17:38:00.000-04:00

Have had a busy month (clearly), but will try to do it justice.

Broke my romantic hiatus and brought a boy home with me from a bar. Unfortunately I failed to catch his name, he flooded my sink and would not leave in the morning, despite my attempts to hint that his presence was no longer welcome. Ah well. Such is life in one's late twenties. No harm, no foul. He sent me what appears to have been a thank you/apology email. But I don't plan to respond. He was an oddball.

Spent about 10 days in Europe and had a great time catching up with London friends and traveling around Switzerland with my father. Saw some pretty mediocre shows in London (which actually makes me feel better about being in New York), and saw gorgeous scenery in Switzerland. We stayed in Lausanne, right on Lake Geneva and the view from our hotel was mind-blowing. As was the boat ride to Chillon.

Since returning I have cast my play(yay!), seen Spiderman: Turn off the Dark (so not worth it), and been back to Boston for our festive farewell dinner. Drank some old wine, ate yummy food and then watched the Bruins lose. This morning I met up with Boxa for brunch and cupcakes in Beacon Hill. It was, once again, a beautiful day in Boston and, as always, good to catch up with her. When I got home, our pool table was being dismantled and taken away and a third of our furniture was gone! When we were young, my brother and I used to have our picture taken on the front step every year on the first day of school. So before we drove off to New York we took a picture of the two of us. And then his gf took a picture of the four of us. Movers arrive tomorrow to pack up the house. I'll be in New Hampshire at the beginning of July, so I'll get to see the new house then. Strange.

2011-05-09T23:11:00.000-04:00

What a weekend. Friday night I met gay Broadway actor crush at a party and he told me that my postcard is taped to his dressing room mirror (!) and gave me two hugs (two!) and kept telling me how sweet I was. He was adorably genuine and charming. Stayed out until 4:30am with an 8:30am bus to Boston booked. Woke up at 9 in a panic, having somehow failed to set my alarm but was able to make the 10am Regional train to Back Bay. One of those moments when I appreciated living as close as I do to midtown. Tried to sleep on the train but was too excited about meeting Nick, and then in Kingston a troop of Girl Scouts on their way to a Museum of Science sleepover piled onto our car. The woman next to me had never been on a train before. A train!

From the train station, my mother and I headed over to my 10-year high school reunion. The school was celebrating its 125th anniversary, so there were many events going on (including a lecture about the early history of the school from the former Director and a tea for former faculty). Got to see and catch up with a lot of classmates and their parents and got very nostalgic for my 8 years there. I definitely feel like much of my essence comes from my experience there (good and bad, I suppose), so it was odd to be back after all these years away. That night was the class cocktail reception. A healthy percentage of the class showed up and it was great to chat with people in person rather than online! So far there are 2 babies, and another on the way and about 10 marriages. Which admittedly makes me feel like I've been living in a parallel universe... (more on that later)

Sunday I went to church with my parents, which also somehow made me weepy. I was able to keep it together, but only barely. I think that going to church always reminds me of the things I've given up over the past 10 years (good and bad), and I always get a little sad when I think about my lack of faith as an adult. After church I got a late brunch with Boxa and Dolan and we wandered around Beacon Hill and the Public Gardens. Boxa gave me a delightful 'Votes for Women' cup and saucer from Newport before heading off to night float.

All this weepiness is, of course, tied to the fact that my parents have sold our house and are moving to New Hampshire next month. It was a triptych of nostalgia with reunion, church and my last weekend in the house all in one. Spent much of today crying at random while wandering around the house (and no, it's not PMS). Stopped crying long enough to go to the river for a run. The weather was lovely and made me appreciate anywhere that a) has free parking along the river and b) has such beautiful bridges.

When I was younger, I assumed that I would raise children in Boston. That belief continued until a couple years ago (related, perhaps, to the true end of the road with SK) and now I have no idea. I joke with my mother about raising a bastard child in NH with her help, but this weekend made me think that that might be a pale substitute for the brilliance of my childhood in the suburbs of Boston. And perhaps I was mourning both the official end of my childhood and also the lack of planning for any children of my own. It's easy to think you don't want to settle down with children living in the world of New York or London theater. It's quite another to feel that way when you experience all the important institutions of your own childhood in one weekend. And recognize how truly blessed you were by them.

2011-05-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

Good news from the theatre gods. My play has been accepted to the New York Fringe Festival! Performances will be at the end of August, but we won't know the dates until July. It's all incredibly exciting. Considering how much time I spent working on the script and the application I'm very proud of myself and the outcome of my hard work.

Of course at the time I was too distracted by the royal wedding to be excited about it, so it wasn't until Friday afternoon that it truly sank in. Speaking of which, I went to a British friend's apartment for a royal wedding sleepover. We drank wine and watched Pride and Prejudice and then woke up early, drank tea, during the pre-show, had a fry-up and then toasted the couple with pink champagne, followed by Moet. And then I went to work at 10:45. The whole thing made me miss London a lot. The British sure know how to do pageantry well. And her dress was gorgeous. And they looked so genuinely happy.

In other news, at the suggestion of my parents I have started looking at real estate in New York and am totally in over my head. Have looked at 3 apartments, all of which were very nice, but none of which I actually would want to live in more than my current apartment (even though I came home to a cockroach crawling out from under my gym bag last night, ew, time for a spring clean!).

Got drinks and wings with Lyon last night and caught up. Had felt like I hadn't seen her in ages and was nice to have a couple beers and a chat.

2011-04-24T21:48:00.000-04:00

Gay Broadway actor crush has my postcard on his dressing room table. And here's the proof! It's the postcard behind the box of Kleenex.

(I found this on his weekly video blog and freaked out when I recognized my handwriting) And then took a picture with my iPhone, which is why you can see the reflection of my IKEA lamp in the background.

Went to church this morning with my family and started thinking that maybe I should start going to church more often. Not necessarily every week, but more than just Christmas and Easter. I actually liked the church we went to today because it reminded me of the services I grew up with. Not sure if there's anywhere more convenient that will give me the same positive feelings. The only problem is that it conflicts with Sunday morning yoga. Actually, shopping for churches is probably pretty similar to shopping for yoga instructors.

2011-04-18T10:01:00.000-04:00

In slightly hilarious news, I clicked on this article about Kate Middleton's last night as a single woman and recognized the hotel slightly. Had to do some sleuthing before I remembered that I had an illicit sleepover at the Goring Hotel about 4 years ago. It was a gorgeous hotel. I remember dark wood panelling in the bathroom and a very large bed. And a lot of yellow. Am tempted to send the article to the other participant, but don't want to be "that girl."

Another instance where teenage me would be equal parts proud and horrified.

2011-04-17T15:35:00.000-04:00

Dear God. I have an embarrassingly crippling crush on a gay Broadway star on the rise. Like obsessively googling, wrote him a fan postcard, might stalk him at the theatre crush.

My friend and I saw him in Priscilla Queen of the Desert and he is just stunning in it, not to mention he has absolutely no body fat and he is absolutely covered in muscle. Gahhhh... Allow this NY Post article to explain... And this counter to it three years later. Oh, he's also a fierce dancer and has a great voice.

Oh, I'm sorry-- was there work I needed to do today? Yes.

I've been hired to copyedit an acting book and it needs to be ready by Friday. But am getting paid bank, so I don't mind the short timeline.

2011-04-10T16:35:00.000-04:00

Have just spend the past three days cackling maniacally at Tina Fey's book Bossypants, it's in no way perfect, but it's absolutely hilarious. Have written a review at the Romantic Feminist if you'd like to take a look (shameless self-promotion not being my forte). Am now trying to figure out a way to meet Tina Fey and make her love me and take me under her wing.

Self-imposed exile isn't very fun or productive, but I'm really trying to get this play written and it seems like the only way to do it. Today I cheated and got brunch (with bellinis!) and went for a walk in the park with McG. Now back to work...

2011-04-08T23:21:00.001-04:00

Funny thing about living on top of/below people. Sometimes you know more about their life than you care to. Have just heard a Friday evening go from singing along to Whitney Houston ("I Wanna Dance With Somebody") to my upstairs neighbor yelling "get out of my fucking house!"and then slamming the door behind someone 5 minutes later. She's now stomping around angrily. Awesome.

And so, because it's Friday at 11 and I had two margaritas in quick succession and am otherwise useless, I will compile a list of my favorite noisy neighbors:

04S: Boxa and I lived next door to two baseball players who if I remember correctly were brothers. One of them (or both of them)would have sex in the shower fairly frequently. Which was annoying because I had just broken up with SK and was spending most of my time in the bathroom sobbing. Overhearing sex didn't really help.

UWS Take 1: The woman who shared my bedroom wall would cough loudly. Or possibly sneeze loudly? Either way, whenever I brought guys home I thought about how thin the walls might be if I could hear her sneeze.

Marylebone: My downstairs neighbor and his Russian gf would have very loud fights that I couldn't understand because they were in Russian. That was annoying.

Clapham: Downstairs neighbors would occasionally have loud sex in their bedroom below our kitchen. He was a professional rugby player though, so it was understandable. Upstairs neighbors would have sex and then the girl would run to the bathroom immediately. Every time without fail. No cuddling in that household. He was also in a band and they would "rehearse" on Thursday nights. Which usually meant loud boozing/music going until about 3am. And then there was the night they hosted drug-fuelled running races from one end of the flat to the other. SS actually went upstairs in her robe to tell them off. Bless her.

Park Slope: Noisy stomping children downstairs. Not terrible. They had actually flipped apartments the month before because it was so intolerable to be below them though.

Union Square: The upstairs neighbor had a dog with very long paw nails. He sounded like a rat.

UWS Take 2: Upstairs neighbor who kicks people out occasionally (her husband? not sure), downstairs neighbor whose TV is a little too loud. And that goddamn violinist on the other side of the terrace who will not stop practicing.

2011-04-06T00:33:00.000-04:00

Received my Mad Men Season 4 DVDs last Tuesday and had enough self-restraint to keep the box unopened until yesterday. Have since watched 6 episodes. What's so fantastic about watching shows all the way through (which is what I did with Downton Abbey last weekend), is that you really get a sense of what the writers are doing as they weave the stories together. I was at a seminar with Robert McKee in the fall and he talked about how TV shows are the future of writing for this exact reason, you can develop the characters in a way that is impossible in film and theater. What makes Don Draper so enigmatic and alluring is his ability to manipulate and conceal. But it's also what makes the show alluring. The audience is constantly forced to pay attention to the nuance and then is rewarded for this attention paid.

It's also a show that makes me want to drink more (which is mildly shocking). In fact, I poured myself a hefty glass of port between episodes and felt much more at home with the characters. And I think my dreams are going to be set in the 60s until I start spending my time doing something else (like writing that play that's being performed in 2+ weeks!!!).

2011-03-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

After last week's post and a sunny walk down Central Park West, I've decided to start a new website/blog. The Romantic Feminist. I envision it being a forum for women (and feminist men?) to share personal anecdotes about their experiences and also posts on common threads (be they books, music, artists, political figures, etc).

So, if this sounds like something you might read add it to your Google Reader/blog roll. And if you want to write either a one-off post or be a regular contributor or know someone who might, send me a note.

2011-03-21T12:22:00.000-04:00

Just returned from my first yoga class in about 4 weeks and am so glad that my body is allowing me to exercise without pain again. I definitely lost some strength and flexibility during this hiatus from the Y, but going back to this class made me pause and think about some of the choices that I've made recently and why I might have made them. I've been getting some flack for being too nice to guys (let's be honest, I've been getting this flack for years). And I think I realized what that comes from, so please bear with the following self-analysis.

I'm naturally cagey with guys. I don't open up particularly easily or early and once I do, they do something that makes me never want to open up to them or anyone else again. It's a vicious cycle and one that could probably be fixed by just being a little more open and honest earlier on. Which I think is where the yoga comes in. My teacher is all about opening the heart, sending love out into the world, kindness and caring. All delightful things in theory and more difficult in cities like London and New York. Especially when you're actually trying to date people and maintain your pride. But it might be worth trying. And I guess that's what I have tried to do recently. Be honest, be kind, be understanding. Does this mean I'm getting walked all over? Maybe. But it also means that I am trying to change my behavior. Even if it doesn't necessarily seem that way at first.

I've probably written before about how going to an all-girls school has affected the way I deal with men (both romantically and otherwise). Pride and independence were very important virtues growing up and they still are. I also believe in "turns" and grand gestures and have found that when I make a grand gesture, it usually isn't received the way I had hoped. In short, I'm a romantic feminist. And I think there are actually a lot of us out there. And sometimes it's important to remember that if you don't try the headstand because you're afraid you might fall, you'll never be able to do it.

(ok, so where's my book deal on learning about life through yoga...)

2011-03-15T19:15:00.000-04:00

Apologies for the delay. I'm coming off of some traumatic experiences and some lovely ones. Unfortunately all at the same time, so it's all been a little bit muddled. In the spirit of trying to be a little bit discreet, I'll just say that I went to the emergency room last week with what I thought was an infected cyst and turned out to possibly be something much more distressing. As a result, my trip to the Bahamas with Boxa and her co-worker was slightly colored by acute pain, lots of advil and an inability to walk very far without yelping in pain. Luckily the plan was not to do much more than lie on the beach and read, so things could have been worse. And then of course I got a pretty bad sunburn on the first day and had to be careful for the next couple days. But Boxa took very good care of me and I'm forever grateful for her patience.

We returned to NYC in a torrential downpour. Before leaving for the Bahamas I had agreed to dogsit for some neighbors, so we had to drop off our bags and pick up the dogs in lots and lots of rain. But they were lovely dogs and it was almost like being on a second vacation because I wasn't staying at home.

Friday night, the third triplet came into town and we met up with Lyon and her friend Christine for drinks and food at Swift and then headed up to the Dead Poet where we drank a few too many Dead Poets and then absconded with the commemorative mugs. There was some vomit (not on my end) and waking up at 6 to feed the dogs was a very unpleasant experience. Saturday night we did pizza and a movie on the massive television. Pocket came over with dessert and we all turned in early, exhausted from the dogs and the night before. Did Sunday brunch at Good Enough to Eat and took the dogs for a walk in the park.

Pain had subsided by Sunday and is more or less gone now. And my bloodwork was negative, but I've been told to get checked again in a month in case the test was too soon to catch it. Am trying to remain optimistic, but it's a huge mind fuck. Had to call SM and tell him and he's getting tested as well. So much for casual friend sex...Actually learning my lesson this time around!!

2011-02-28T11:16:00.000-05:00

Both a lot and a little to post about. Most importantly, and perhaps most shamefully considering my last few entries, is that I slept with SM again this weekend. No one's surprised (least of all me), but it was a full month after the last time and we had a long drunken conversation in a secret barber shop bar about the whole "love triangle." Good to get it all out in the open. He was pretty confident that SH and I knew, though he actually thought that she knew earlier than she did (which was my suspicion and why I told her when I did).

We also hung out with his roommate (the one he wanted to set me up with in the fall) and he is so much my type it's not even funny. My interest in him was pretty clear to SM who called me out on it a couple times. And then in the morning I assured him that I "didn't think" I would have slept with his roommate. But then reminded him that two can play his game. I'm kind of enjoying being in a situation where I don't really have any feelings for him, but we get along really well. We went for a walk in Central Park yesterday morning and he joked about how "relationshippy" it was, but I just cannot see myself dating him seriously. The roommate, on the other hand, I could see myself totally falling for and then getting horribly hurt by. Which is really more my style...

Some good career things happening too. I've been applying to things up a storm and actually getting positive results. Which of course means that I don't really have time to do any of them. And need to stop having a social life for the next month or so.

2011-01-31T23:55:00.000-05:00

Very busy weekend, which I'll try to do justice to quickly before I finish up episode 2 of "the book shop." Friday I saw a play with my lovely older co-worker. Was a delightful confection of a play about a divorcee in turn of the century New York, very entertaining, basically like an old-fashioned romantic comedy. Saturday I spent the day at the Dramatists Guild doing a self-production workshop, where 5 other writers and I learned how to self-produce our plays. It was definitely a good experience and taught me a lot of things about how to put on a play, budget, PR, everything. After that I hung out the book shop for about 30 minutes to terrorize SM before going to see the show that SH was working on. He told me that he would be in my neighborhood and that maybe we should all hang out. I demurred.

Was very nervous to tell SH, but was able to get it out as we were walking towards the subway. She found it funny at first and we laughed about what an idiot he is. Ended up getting Bossa Novas (amaretto and champagne) and shared two desserts (since we've shared men...) and gossiped. It was great. I told her that she might go through a few stages of revulsion, anger, etc, but I was glad that her initial instinct was humor and (hilariously) flattery.

So now we have all sorts of hi-jinks planned to make him squirm. The first to be enacted tomorrow at a reading of a play of his. I guess he left his t-shirt at her apartment (yup, the same one he was wearing when he stayed at my apartment) so she's going to return it to him in front of me. Don't mess with a playwright and an actress... we'll get back at you.

Still a little sad that there's no boytoy (or toy boy as they would say in London) for my winter, but it probably wasn't going to end up being that great anyway.

Sunday I saw No Strings Attached with NC, then we had a high school brunch with AJ and JT in Chelsea. Bought new underwear (something about casual sex always makes me feel like I need new underwear), had deliciousness at City Bakery and then I had dinner with McG and her friend from college. NC and I kept wondering if this was what normal people do on the weekends.

2011-01-27T22:07:00.000-05:00

So today, I had to work with both SM and SH. Slightly awkward, though the best part was when I made some comment about bacon, which then reminded me of the delicious bacon waffles that SH and I had had on Monday morning and SM was like, you got breakfast together? And I deadpanned, yeah, we get breakfast every Monday morning to rehash our weekends. And he got all nervous, then asked if we hung out a lot. We both said yes and I think he got scared. Have determined to tell her about the whole story sooner rather than later after resolving that if I were her I would want to know. And would rather hear it from a friend than from the scummy guy. (Or maybe I'm trying too hard to micromanage something that isn't my problem?)

But man, he's still very charming and entertaining. I can totally see why/how I got sucked in. And can sadly see it happening again under the influence of alcohol and charm.

Last night was bowling and this engaged guy (whose fiancee is in Michigan) spent about 30 minutes trying to convince me to get drinks with him after bowling. Many of you have probably heard about (or experienced) this crazy snowstorm last night, so I was in no mood to go out to drinks with a slightly creepy, already drunk engaged guy in the middle of thundersnow. So I evaded his very tactically annoying/lawyery advances and managed to free myself from his attentions. I did, however, get him to try to teach me how to spin a bowling ball. Unfortunately, my forearms are too weak.

2011-01-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

And now, just like that, the Great Experiment has come to an end. This morning I had breakfast with a friend from work, and apparently she and SM slept together on Saturday night (that's right, the day he woke up in my bed!). She actually lost her virginity to him in slightly odd circumstances before he and his girlfriend started dating and she was one of the people at work that I really didn't want to find out about me and him (I've said it time and time again, if you have to keep something a secret, you probably shouldn't be doing it). So I was already not really looking forward to spending a breakfast pretending something interesting wasn't going on in my life. So I ask her about her trip to England and she tells me about her lovely romantic, but unphysical trip trip around Great Britain and then she tells me that she slept with SM "the other night." So I start wondering, which other night, before or after me. And which is worse? Find out it was Saturday, determine that that's slightly better, but there's something about sex that becomes really disgusting when you hear someone else talk about someone you've just spent a weekend talking about having sex with (that doesn't make sense when you first read it, but I swear it does if you give it a second chance).

Did not tell her about my sordid affair with the same guy (she's young, I didn't want to devastate her about the horrid ways of men), tried to act interested, but NOT encouraging (for obvious reasons) and resisted the urge to text him immediately demanding an explanation. Will tell him I know when the time is right. Like if he propositions me again, or maybe just when I see him next. And will threaten to tell her if I hear that they've slept together again.

Needless to say, I will not be having sex with him again (how many times have I said this about other guys and caved, though). But who knew that someone would take so literally a request for casual sex! So casual that I will sleep with your friend, who considers you a confidante, the following night. Gross.

2011-01-24T00:55:00.000-05:00

Am supposed to be writing a script for my series, but I keep getting distracted by other things (like writing blog posts on my "professional" website about La Cage). So I thought I would craft a short update here as well. LA was great. Delicious food, fun people and so much sun. It was quite dispiriting to return to freezing rain in New York, but I'm glad I got to walk barefoot on the beach and wear sunglasses and tank tops and drive around in cars. I'm definitely more keen on LA that I have been in the past. Not that I would pick up and move there, but that if I were offered work there I wouldn't reject it based on ancient biases.

Also of note, Wednesday I texted the boy (henceforth referred to as SM) to suggest we get a drink now that I was back and we sort of casually tried to figure things out at work without being awkward/letting anyone else know. So Friday night, I left work early, dropped my gym bag at home and then met him at a bar nearish to my apartment (but not without having some preparatory bourbon first). After a couple beers and whiskey, we returned to my apartment for more bourbon.

And so the Great Experiment begins! Am I capable of engaging in a purely physical relationship with someone I have absolutely no romantic feelings for? It's probably better than trying to have a purely physical relationship with someone I do have romantic feelings for... And because he's an actor and I'm a neurotic, we talked about it. I said I don't want to be his girlfriend, he said that makes sense because he's not my type. And that was that. The best part? When an ad for No Strings Attached came on Pandora and we both started laughing hysterically. But now I'm feeling very Mindy Kaling, because I'm trying to write funny dialogue for his character and it feels a little awkward.

Saturday was spent with lovely friends. McG and I walked around Central Park to alleviate our hangovers (her's was much worse than mine because she had gone to a Burns night party), then I met up with NC and SE at Milk Bar for some delicious treats. Then NC and I headed to Brooklyn for dinner with AJ before AD's going away party (so many abbreviations, sorry). Dinner was great, the drinks at AD's party were awesome and then we headed to Williamsburg so I could be a wingwoman to NC. Not sure if it was successful because I headed home before them.

Today was also filled with good friend time. Post-yoga brunch with Pocket and coloring and gossip with CK who just tore her ACL. Then I had an hour-long gossip session with Boxa who was on-call sitting on a bunk bed and had to leave because she was paged to go save some child's life. Naturally.

2011-01-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

Last week I received a couple texts from the guy I hooked up with back in December suggesting that we get a drink. I had assumed that his lack of contact previous to that meant that we were doing the mature "let's not talk about the sex we had" thing. So I got annoyed that he seemed to think that I would just be available to be his girl on the side. I kinda ignored his advances, and then on Monday he came into work to cover for someone and we talked a little (at my desk, in public) about our respective holidays. Tuesday he came in again and while eating lunch told me that his gf had broken up with him before Christmas. Again, in public. Which places the texts in a slightly different context, more rebound than affair. Which I'm much more amenable to.

Heading to LA tomorrow afternoon for the long weekend. Definitely looking forward to sun and hanging out with FC and others. And then perhaps I'll get a drink with this guy upon my return...

2011-01-09T00:41:00.001-05:00

2011 is turning into the year of new friends. I joined a bowling team with a friend from high school and don't know anyone else on the team (we actually have two teams associated with this particular group of friends). So Wednesday was our first game and we got to play the team that we knew. We won both games, so we're in the top half of the standings board (yay!) and I learned that I, in fact, do not become a better bowler as I drink (unlike pong). I also still throw up when I do tequila shots. After the game a few of us went out to a surf bar and because everyone else works for a law firm lots of shots were purchased. Many of them of questionable origin. So I got home, drunkenly did a downward facing dog on my cool new yoga mat and threw up. Luckily I made it to the bathroom in time and did not throw up on the yoga mat.

The next morning, in my hungover state, I knocked tea onto my laptop when I was standing up to head to work. It's fine now, though the special mouse is a little sensitive and highlighting is a bit of an effort. Alas.

Friday I hosted a "celebrities" party at my apartment on behalf of TD who's in town for the week before heading back to grad school at Brown. Was mostly a crowd of D theater and ultimate frisbee players and we had a really fun time. Have never had that many "dudes" in this apartment. Of course because charades are involved once it got late I got nervous about irritating my downstairs neighbor, so rather than TD yelling "cow bell!" to get everyone's attention, we had to introduce quiet coyote, which was much more effective at calming everyone down though I did feel like a school marm with my little coyote hands. Pixie boy crush was there, and his pen may or may not have leaked ink on my couch and pillow (Note: this is not a euphemism, there are now dribbles of ink on my couch cushion and one of my duvet pillows is kinda wrecked). We're not entirely sure who the culprit is, but he's the only one who bragged about carrying a "real" pen with him at all times...

Today I was so excited to have my first Saturday off after week 1 of working full-time at the book shop. And then, of course I got a call from the manager asking if I was coming in because I was on the schedule. I was pretty confident that we had agreed that I wasn't working on Saturdays but they were very understaffed so I came in for the last 3 hours of the day after finally getting some laundry done and meeting up with SE for treats and gossip. Stayed in tonight with the intention of writing, but instead I watched Withnail and I and tried to figure out what to pack for my trip to LA (the city, not the ex-boyfriend) this weekend.

Tomorrow (when I can't be called into work because we're closed) is my clothing swap and TD's bar night, where I hope to drunkenly confront pixie boy crush about his leaky pen.

2011-01-02T00:52:00.000-05:00

Have returned from 10 days in the North Country where I skied, read, wrote, watched movies and hung out with new and old friends. An absolutely delightful end to the year and beginning to a new one. No vomit (which I realized while recounting previous New Year's antics during today's car ride was unusual), not too much drama and no real family arguments. All in all a lovely time.

This may have been our last Christmas in my family house, depending on what happens with real estate in Hanover, but we tried not to think about it. I got some books, a cast iron tea pot and a soda maker (so cute!):

Up in Vermont I learned how to make ice cream in the new ice cream maker we bought my dad. My first batch was Vanilla Peanut Butter Cup, second batch was Chocolate Mocha with sandwich cookie pieces. Delicious!

After Killington, I headed to a D friend's house for his annual New Year's Party. I've never been invited before (well, I think MF invited me in 2008, but I was in London that year) and was thrilled to get an invitation. It's mostly theatre folks from college with assorted new girlfriends, babies(!), etc. There was never a moment when some parlor game wasn't being played or some delicious food wasn't being cooked or consumed. I may or may not have a new pixie boy crush and even learned how to cross country ski. Good things. Note awesome zany skiing picture:

Headed out early afternoon, stopped off in Hanover for about 45 minutes for a Dirt Cowboy chai and got back to the city by 6:30 tonight. Went for a walk around snowy Central Park with McG to gossip and came back to eat sushi, drink port and watch Sylvia. Now I'm going to head to bed so I can go to the gym before the 10:30 showing of True Grit.

Just found this from last January. I crack myself up sometimes: "I do not want to dignify my behavior yesterday with a paragraph, but I basically spent the entire day playing with my new computer and tagging all my pictures from the past 9 years on iPhoto. I think I developed carpal tunnel in my right wrist. And I ate nothing but peanut butter, honey roasted peanuts and challah. I am a shadow of myself. It depresses me." Let's hope that in 2011 I spend less time wallowing and more time actually doing the projects I have lined up!

2010-12-13T15:42:00.000-05:00

Ooh... Will Ferrell and Bill C Reilly have made an almost exact copy of my favorite awkward Christmas video. Happy Christmas!

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

2010-12-11T21:42:00.000-05:00

This week was bookended by two boozy creative nights. Monday was the D holiday party and after a few very strong Yale Club vodka tonics, I decided to start a theater company with some friends. I also played wingwoman to Lyon in epic fashion. Couldn't leave my bed for many hours on Tuesday, but still made it to the gym and a reading. Last night was the first performance of my theatrical series and afterwards a few of us stayed behind and drank lots of cheap wine. I offered my couch to one of the actors and next thing I knew we were talking about running to the bodega to buy condoms. This was quite unexpected, given that he has a girlfriend that he has been faithful to up until now. I'm not feeling great about this, despite having a good time and receiving far too many compliments to know what to do with. I just don't understand why there are all these guys with girlfriends willing to cheat with me. Am I supposed to learn from this that I can't trust men to be monogamous? Or that I should cut people more slack? Or just that I need to get out there and actively meet more single guys. He kept referring to it as an affair and that creeped me out. First off, it's a one shot thing. Second, affair makes it sound like we're in our 40s.

Ironically, this from is my December horoscope:

Venus, the "I just wanna have fun" planet, moved into Scorpio late last month and will spend all of December with you in time for the holidays. Venus will not move out of your sign until January 7, so you'll get more than your share of party invitations and admiring glances in this festive month. Days when you are likely to thoroughly (and especially) enjoy yourself include December 8, 11, 12, 13, 25, 26, and 30.

2010-12-08T15:22:00.000-05:00

After what can only be described as the failure of Okcupid, I have signed up for Alikewise, a combination of Goodreads and OkCupid... Just what I need, a way to document what I read and be judged romantically for it. Bring on the book nerds! Maybe it will distract me from the fact that I've decided to start a theatre company, have three plays in the works and 15 books on hold for me at the library.

2010-11-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

After a week of drinking, staying out late and making out with boys (plural!), I'm returning to my life of reading, writing and being productive. Second date with SA was pretty epic. I was asked to bring a friend for his friend so that "three wasn't a crowd" and we met down in the East Village. Tried to get into some of the trendier bars, but had to leave numbers at both and went to Odessa, which the Brits determined was the most American bar they had been to so far. After drinks and pierogis, we ended up going to Bourgeois Pig, had champagne punch, fondue and a couple bottles of wine. Got kicked out of the bar at closing and my friend determined that we should head over to Fat Cats. I was a little hesitant because my okcupid date is a manager there, but was drunk enough to try to not care about it and hope he didn't see me. We all played pool (my shark abilities returned) drank some beers and played scrabble. And then got kicked out of Fat Cats, which for the record closes at 5am. SA and I hightailed it to a cab, leaving his friend and mine on the corner (luckily they had already been making out, so it wasn't too mean). Of course I had to get to the book shop at 9 am for rehearsal, which was a little miserable. But we took the train downtown together, he kissed me on the platform and I spent the rest of the day at work in a hungover, drunken mess. He texted me to say that I should let him know when I'm next in London and thanked me for being a great hostess. Sigh. Saw Harry Potter 7 on Friday night and was quite pleased that I was able to stay awake for the whole thing. Highly enjoyable. Can't wait for July.

Boxa was in town Saturday and Sunday and, as usual, her presence in the city meant that mischief was on prowl. NC and I met up with her and Lyon at Dead Poet Saturday night after a high school friend's birthday party and I was peer pressured into drinking their "special" the Dead Poet which they describe on their website (yes, I just checked) as "A total of 7 liquors are combined with a splash of sour mix to create a mysterious elixer that tastes like grape soda." Ouch. Further peer pressure to "lock it down" with a guy led to my second overnight guest of the week. Met up with Boxa and Lyon and Pocket for brunch and then wandered around the Upper West Side before I met up with a colleague to see two Pinter plays. Bought some books at the Strand (I cannot go in there without buying at least $20 worth of books) and then met up with NC to do some work in her apartment and gossip.

So yesterday to atone for my week of indulgence, I went to 10:30 yoga, met up with my writing partners for a working lunch, read and wrote a book review at the public library, went to a reading at the bookshop and had my writers group meeting. Very productive. Now I'm off to the gym and then need to pack for my 2pm bus up to Boston. Haven't been in Boston since August (can that be right?) so it'll nice to be back. Then whisking up to the Upper Valley for the family's first "away" Thanksgiving in about 10 years.

2010-11-17T12:47:00.000-05:00

Broke my three month dry spell (where does the time fly?) last night after meeting up with NC at a Columbia bar for trivia night. I've introduced her to a D classmate because they have similar academic interests and they're getting on like wildfire. So trivia night ends and we're staying for another round when this charming British man approaches the table and asks where he should continue his evening. Everyone's at a loss because we're in Morningside Heights and after awhile he and I are talking about living in Clapham and various other things. I chat with his friend for a little while longer and then find myself sitting in a booth with him while he drunkenly mumbles with his arm around me. As a connoisseur of the English "game" I allow this to pass (knowing it always does) and eventually convince him that I have a very comfortable bed. Much more comfortable than his bunk bed in a Chelsea hostel, certainly.

So we cab back to my place, he continues with the nonsensical banter, but it's less drunken and more charming (what is it about my bed that renders men nonsensical?). He's in town for a week, English, but raised in South Africa (so henceforth, if necessary, referred to as SA), used to row and has a super posh accent. I'm kind of in love with his accent. He wants to hang out again tomorrow night (tonight he's going to the Rangers-Bruins game) and I have his number. Don't mind if I do. He even endured listening to my early morning Skype conversation with a prospective Dartmouth student living in China. And managed to leave right before my landlord knocked on the door to take my AC unit out. The best part? He shares a name with another posh British fling.

Of course getting 2ish hours of sleep probably isn't the best thing for the day before my fitness test at the Y this afternoon...

2010-11-10T09:33:00.000-05:00

Just watched last night's Glee and it totally brought me back to the a cappella obsessed days of high school and college. I love that they make the all boys' school some bastion of acceptance by virtue of the fact that the a cappella guys are popular. There's some truth in that, but there are still a lot of ignorant cretins who have attended single sex schools. But, enough of that... Enjoy!

2010-11-03T19:50:00.000-04:00

Date on Monday was totally underwhelming. It didn't really feel like a date, more like 2 people sitting around talking about theatre and writing (ie, networking rather than romance). He paid for everything, despite my attempts to go Dutch on both the theatre tickets and dinner and has texted me a slightly bizarre question since. Basically I used eyeliner for no reason. He, on the other hand, showed up in a zip up sweatshirt. Afterwards I met up with CT to celebrate her birthday over a couple bottles of Cava and conversation in my neighborhood (how convenient!).

Last night, on the other hand, was pretty bizarre. SS is in the country for a wedding in Philly and we had a very hardcore evening out with CK. Started out with a pretty ordinary dinner in Little Italy, then we went to gay night at B Bar (the last time I was at B Bar was exactly 5 years ago and was the beginning of a drunken indiscretion). After B Bar we headed over to Avenue with some of CK's model friends. Yes. Models. These kids looked like exactly that: children. We get to Avenue and it's this odd little runway lined with bottle service. The bathroom attendant sprays each bathroom with air freshener between patrons and they add a 20% gratuity to anything you order at the bar (ouch). They did, however, play pretty fantastic music so we bopped around and looked at attractive people and then sat on the couch and had some shots from some promoters bottle service. At one point I decided to sneak a champagne glass into my bag (a habit I started in London). After Avenue we went to Kenmare. I was stuck in a cab with the models, who spent the whole time taking pictures of themselves while I tried to get my ancient iphone to actually do something useful (instead it made me believe that I was calling my mother, which I don't think I did). We arrived at Kenmare and promptly joined a group of men we didn't know. One, who claimed to be a mountain climber/pharmacologist (SS believes that means drug dealer), took a shine to me and bought us all drinks. He had a Jamaican accent, was from France and had lived in Brazil for the past 8 years (though apparently went to British boarding school). So either eminently fascinating or someone who can't really keep his story straight. SS had been up for about 24 hours, so around 3:30 we headed home with "plans" to meet up with him again at the Standard tonight. Sometimes you have nights in New York that just seem like they shouldn't happen. And it's nice to return to your life of just being someone who works at a bookshop and writes plays.

Today I spent about 3 hours in the library reading The Imperfectionists. I think I should make an effort to do work there more often. It's definitely an environment conducive to getting things done.

2010-10-31T17:30:00.000-04:00

This article is great. Totally proud of these crazy Dartmouth men.

I have my first OkCupid date tomorrow night. I'm totally trying to play it cool, but it scares me. I guess that it's important to continue to do things that scare me. And he might turn out to be a crazy, short, misanthrope. Or he might turn out to be just what I need right now.

Have been sitting around in running clothes getting ready to go out in park, but now it seems cold and windy. And I'm hungry.

2010-10-26T14:46:00.000-04:00

Just read this which reiterates my earlier point. Those of us with people (women or otherwise) we can talk to are generally happier.

2010-10-26T11:42:00.000-04:00

As she was leaving my birthday party, JT told me I had lovely friends. We had just sat out on my terrace with 4 other New York women in their 20s, talking about men and life (and the romantic comedy in the making that was my D reunion). I obviously agreed with her and since have been thinking about the fact that I have about 30 (maybe more?) women that I could trust my life with (or at the very least go on vacation with). For me this doesn't seem exceptional. But since I've been reading all of these novels set in the early-mid-20th century, I've started to realize that maybe this is an exception of our generation, especially those of us who haven't pair bonded yet. In contrast, my mother doesn't stay in touch with any of her friends from high school or college (she also got married when she was 21). I started to wonder if this was a result of my all-girls high school, or being on a women's sports team, or being almost exclusively single for the past 6 years or some combination of the 3. And now that I have all these terrific women in my life, I wonder if it's time to cultivate more platonic male friends. I'm starting with my married friends as this seems like a safe place to start (or is it a disaster waiting to happen?). My co-worker (the one who drunkenly revealed his crush on me, but is now sober) and I have decided to start a War and Peace book club. He's going to do a show in Michigan in January, so the deadline is to read it before he leaves. And now that I have a Kindle, it seems like a much lighter task. But it's an average of 20 pages a day... What can I give up to make that kind of time? Sleep? Facebook? Words with Friends? Reading other things...

Am communicating with my first person on OkCupid. He sounds like a Canadian version of S, and our compatibility percentages are not very high, but, oh well, I'll continue to make the same mistakes until I stop. And he's a playwright. Trouble.

2010-10-20T12:57:00.000-04:00

I recently received an email from my high school suggesting that I write a 150-word biography in anticipation of my 10 year reunion. Was talking with FC about it and she said it would be an interesting writing exercise to try to make your life sound as awesome as possible in under 150 words. I took that to me fake-awesome as opposed to real awesome and this is what I wrote. Enjoy!

after traveling to england on a fulbright, studying gender and mythology at cambridge, i met and fell in love with prince harry while caring for land mine victims in south america. blinded by his love for me, he decided to forego his royal responsibilities so that we could travel the world providing humanitarian aid without the pressures of being married. in the end he chose his country over love, and i have since written an oscar-winning screenplay about my love affair with the prince (maybe you've seen it!). at present i am working on 3 different projects (and will be making my directorial debut next year!) with homes in london and new york. last year i was number 15 on the forbes most powerful women in the world list. i have a yellow lab named hotspur and a handful of rich, intelligent men chasing after me.

2010-10-17T19:28:00.000-04:00

I haven't been reading all of them, but Jezebel has been doing a "series" on Fucking while Feminist. The one that I did take a look at is this one, and I agree with it wholeheartedly.

Just walked up to 103rd and Central Park to see a 25 minute theatre dance piece and then walked back. It's a gorgeous night in New York, so beautiful I almost started crying when I saw the Resevoir in the Park during sunset. I'm turning into an old sap, clearly.

2010-10-15T01:38:00.000-04:00

At the moment I've been bitching about two very male writers (Aaron Sorkin and David Mamet, if you must know). And I think it's for the same reason. They're both very arrogant, very prolific and people seem to think that they walk on water. Interviews with them make me queasy or livid (or both). And for my own sake I'm going to start avoiding seeing their work. I recently received an OkCupid message from a guy asking me if I wanted to see Mamet's current Broadway offering (it's not a new play, it just happens to have Patrick Stewart in it) and I haven't written back. Because it's Mamet. And I don't like him (though I just discovered today that he used to have a weekly meal with his Rabbi at the same place my parents have breakfast every Saturday morning (of course, he refers to it as the WRONG NAME in the book he mentions this in, because he's Mamet and attention to detail is not his strength).) Sorkin bothers me because his misogyny seeps out of everything I've seen of his recently. I was complaining about Mamet at work today and I was saying that I don't like him and my manager (who's a story for another day) said "it's because he's so male and arrogant" and I countered, "and not charming." So at least I know my weakness. A guy can be arrogant as fuck, but if he knows how to be charming, to at least acknowledge that I (or anyone else) am worth being engaging with, I will excuse the arrogance. I probably think of it as being acceptable "self-confidence." I also think charm is a very important quality. Not in its false iterations, but in true old-fashioned charm. SK's sister posted her wedding pictures on facebook and there is a hilarious sequence of her dancing with her father. Her father, as I recall, was a very big fan of the Wiener Waltz and would send me flying around a room whenever he tried to teach it to me. So to see his daughter subjected to this during her father-daughter dance amused me greatly (it looked like she was not given ample time to practice the Wiener Waltz). But SK's father was always the epitome of old-fashioned charm for all occasions. And it's sometimes sad that it's gone out of style.

2010-10-05T12:06:00.000-04:00

Hangovers and jet lag are very similar. And in the past couple months I've had experiences where I've dealt with both differently. And here's what I've learned. After a long, drunken, mostly sleepless night in July I had to run off to work on 2 hours sleep. And survived quite admirably. When I checked in with the person who had joined me on this sleepless drunken evening that night I received a "still hungover from last night" text. And thought, well clearly I'm better at handling hangovers. Cue last Sunday, when it took me hours to even get out of bed and I could barely eat a quarter of a bagel with running to the bathroom in an attempt to throw up. I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself and eventually made it out at 7 that night. And what did I learn? If you throw yourself into the day, you won't feel as much like a waste of space (either that or the vodka at the Hudson Hotel really did me in).

Similarly with jet lag. I arrived in London last Tuesday at 9:30 am, took the train to Clapham, dropped off my bag and headed up to the National Theatre to catch a 2:15 matinee. And then wandered around the West End, saw another play and had dinner and drinks with friends. Yeah I almost fell asleep in the second row of a play starring Dumbledore (it was Beckett, I find him exhausting even when I'm not jet-lagged), but still, I definitely attacked my jet lag with force and felt good for the rest of the trip. Not the case today. I got into JFK at 10pm last night, was home by 11:30 and unpacked and asleep by 12:30. I like taking late flights because then I'm forced to stay awake and adjust to East Coast time. So I slept through the night, woke up at the very reasonable hour of 7:30 and have since basically hung out in bed doing nothing. Sure I've responded to some emails, researched some grants and watched last week's episode of Glee, but considering I had planned to go to the gym, grocery shop, maybe see a pre-noon movie and prepare for my mock SAT tutoring session, the day is not going entirely to plan.

And the saddest part? In London it's 5pm. Which means I could be at the pub.

More about my actual trip later... once I've been productive.

2010-09-26T17:24:00.000-04:00

Am still hungover from last night and thus too lazy to write this up again, so I'm copying and pasting this email that I wrote to someone who doesn't read the blog:

So last night was my brother's birthday dinner at Per Se and it was crazy. So much wine and delicious food, the best being their "coffee and doughnuts" which is cappuccino ice cream and little doughnuts. Oh, and the duck. The duck was really good. About 30 people (lots of WAGs I didn't know), but I got to sit at the fun end of the table with his Tuck friends (and my mother). Afterwards we went across the street to the Hudson hotel where we got bottle service and danced around. Very strange vibe. Or maybe most New York clubs are like that and I just don't go to them enough to realize. It actually has a lit dance floor and there was a creepy old man, like really old, hanging out near our table. I particularly enjoyed watching my brother's very straight-laced Harvard and Tuck friends try to figure out how to behave. It was one of those stereotypical New York nights that you enjoy when you're doing it but makes you question what the actual value of what you've experienced is. I hate having existential crises in nightclubs. Am now (still!) nursing a powerful hangover after unsuccessfully trying to be social with my parents this morning.

Here's a picture of aforementioned Coffee and Doughnuts. And apparently it was semifreddo, not ice cream, my bad... I was drunk by that point, and clearly couldn't tell the difference.

2010-09-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

So we all know by now that when it comes to men I'm very picky, but in an irrational way. Usually I don't think about it, but because I've joined OkCupid and am reading all these profiles, I've noticed the little things that turn me off. Each profile has something in it that rubs me the wrong way. And I guess this is the problem with online dating, you learn so much upfront that there's always something you can use to reject someone. In the most recent case, it's a guy who's a professional bassist (and yes, I've already kinda tried that particular route and failed) and he sounds sensitive and smart, but then under books he likes to read he includes books about Alexander Technique. And that's just a little too loopy for me. And he wears hats. He's probably one of those guys who thinks he's smarter than he is. So I won't take his advice and message him "if [I'm] liberated enough to message [him] first!"

I watched the 30 Rock premiere last night and wow, I clearly identify with Liz Lemon way too much. I hadn't realized how much I missed that show and the routine of watching it on Fridays on hulu.

Off to work, then my brother's epic dinner at Per Se. Something tells me 10am Sunday yoga will not happen.

2010-09-22T11:18:00.000-04:00

I'm usually too busy/lazy to do much shopping/wandering around NewYork. Yesterday, though, my super was installing new hardwood floors in my hallway so I got out of the apartment early (he needed my door open to do it). So I saw Easy A (and loved it, such a good smart teen movie) and then went shopping for a dress for my brother's 30th birthday dinner at Per Se. Started out at BCBG where they don't have mirrors in the changing room (which I found highly awkward, you really want me to exit the dressing room to look at myself in the hallway? No.). The dresses didn't quite work on me, so I headed down to the Anthropologie at Rockefeller Center. Bought a super cute, very soft, dress with an obi-inspired belt for 50% off. I've also decided that it might finally be time to join the leggings trend. So I almost bought a pair of leggings, but figured I could do better than the $25 pair they were selling there. Headed to H&M where all the cute tunics I tried on made me look fat (or at least "bosomy"), I suppose I could have tried on one size up, but I just got frustrated and left. Bloomingdales, I just wandered around, looking for leggings and admiring all the pretty fall clothes. Today I might do a little more shopping (especially since I'm now determined to try this leggings thing), but should also go for a run/get some writing done.

Watched the Glee premiere when I got up. So fun. I forgot how much I missed watching Glee on Wednesday mornings.

2010-09-12T17:32:00.001-04:00

Today's one of those days when MF's accusation of my being better suited to life in Victorian times feels more apt than I'd like it to be. It's gross and rainy and I got up and went to yoga (which was really hard for some reason, maybe because I missed last week?) and then came home, read the newspaper, had a couple of phone catch ups, made soup and toast and then drank tea and finished Fear of Flying. Why would I want a television when I can have all this?

After a year of not reading very much, I've been getting back into the general swing of reading more regularly. It helps to take books out of the library (again with my antiquated behavior) because then you have to finish things so that you can return them. And reading often inspires me to write more, which has definitely been true this week.

Busy week coming up with lots of work at the book shop, and evening theatre engagements. Saturday I make my New York stage debut (seriously...), as I've agreed to perform in the theatrical series that my co-workers and I have been working on. It's our first "episode" and should be very funny (I wrote it, so of course it'll be funny). Have a meeting to discuss 'logistics' tonight and still need two male actors, but otherwise, it's looking good.

2010-09-07T09:29:00.000-04:00

Vermont was nice, except that I had to drive both ways. And with a long hike (and no weekend yoga) thrown in the mix my hip flexors are quite sore. Lots of yummy comfort food, reading and TV. The actual celebration will be in a few weeks at Per Se, with a lot of his friends coming into town for the occasion.

I'm reading Fear of Flying right now and it's one of those books that I always thought "oh, yeah, whatever, scandal" And while it's not quite the same as Midnight's Children in terms of its overwhelming amazingness, it definitely lives up to the hype more than I expected. I'm such a sucker for books about writers. My guess is most writers are.

Now that it's officially past Labor Day, it's time for me to get my act together. I have SAT tutor training coming up and my writers group is starting up again next week. And I've, drum roll, rejoined OkCupid. And I hate it. I'm too judgmental. And I don't like having to write things to strangers. SS says I have to do it for a week and go on at least one date, but I DON'T WANT TO. I end up just rolling my eyes at what people write to me. I also think part of the problem is that I don't actually know what I want. It's very hard to get what you want when you don't know what it is.

2010-09-03T08:44:00.000-04:00

When I took a creative writing class in high school we were given this story to read as an example of an excellent short story. I read it back then and liked it, but was recently reminded of it when I saw a play based on an absurd Japanese short story. Now that I'm older it's a little sadder than it was before, holds more weight. There are a lot of things like that, books that I read when I was younger and probably didn't entirely understand. Movies that I watched that I was too young for. I like revisiting them to see how my perception of them has changed over the years. And to appreciate that maybe I have become wiser in the past 10 years or so.

Headed up to Vermont in the morning for my brother's 30th birthday weekend. I think I rented the last car in Manhattan. And am paying an obscene amount of money. But 2 days in chilly Vermont will be worth it. Especially since my brother better be paying...

2010-08-31T23:56:00.000-04:00

If I were in the market for a new steampunk vibrator (which, to be honest, I might be) I would totally get one of these.

Has been a long weekend of very little sleep and lots of angst. But sometimes laundry and cleaning one's apartment can make all the difference. Supposed to go to Vermont this weekend for my brother's birthday, but I'm not sure he's rented a car yet, which could be problematic.

2010-08-27T00:10:00.000-04:00

I saw The Switch yesterday morning (yay half-price movies before noon) and I know some of the reviews have been bad, but I really liked it. Maybe because I identified with Jason Bateman's neurotic, slightly romantically risk-averse "Wally" and because it seemed like a more cerebral rom-com than most. There were very few gross-out jokes, there was no sex, it was just some people with pretty apartments and overactive brains trying to be happy. Or resigning themselves to never being happy. And that resonated with me a lot. My ironic detachment and my fear of actually telling someone I like them was quite at home in the little world of the movie.

Later in the afternoon I was coached by McG in the fine art of pinning someone down by text without losing ground. There was some flailing on couches and threats of phone calls to the other party, but all ended without too much pain. My life has somehow turned into the screenplay I just wrote and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it. Other than go back and read what I wrote in hopes that it will inspire me to do the right thing. Or, at the very least, do the thing that makes me happiest.

Was talking to my brother tonight about some random family drama and he said that his girlfriend thinks it's funny how "reserved" we are as a family. I asked him what she meant by that and he said that she just thought that we had a very formal relationship with our parents. I countered that we're actually just pretty formal people in general. I'm always accused of being cold, when I'm really just reserved (SS has a hilarious story about her reaction to the first email she got from me-- followed up by the first time we talked about guys and I spewed some nonsense about feeling like I was ready to get hurt again and she thought that I had the best luck in the world with guys. She learned quite quickly that was not the case, I just put up a good front).

So, if you can't tell, there's been some soul-searching here in New York. Sorry for the vagueness.

2010-08-22T18:53:00.000-04:00

So after posting the below list, I requested some of those books from the library. So far am about halfway through Delta of Venus. It makes for very good bathroom reading and dramatic readings are good for ice-breaking when you know you're about to make out with someone, but both of you are a little on edge. My only real exposure to erotica in the past has been the Playboys in SK's basement bathroom and Harry Potter fan fiction (yes, I just admitted to that), so to read classy erotica from a woman's perspective is very informative. And because it's old, it's like literature, as opposed to smut. And it's research for my play? Which play? Not sure...

Last Saturday at work I designed mini business cards with my contact info and a headshot, on the other side are green stripey things, like paint swatches. They arrived yesterday and I love them.

No actual progress on the whole getting my work out there, but the writers group is going in a new and exciting direction and I've been asked to possibly write a fringe show for next summer's Edinburgh! Woo.

2010-08-11T21:19:00.000-04:00

On a blogging roll, apparently.

Just remembered this list from a couple years ago, wanted to see whether I had actually read any more of them. It appears I've read less than a third. Oops

75 Books Every Woman Should Read

The Lottery (and Other Stories), Shirley Jackson

To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf

The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton

White Teeth, Zadie Smith

The House of the Spirits, Isabel Allende

Slouching Towards Bethlehem, Joan Didion

Excellent Women, Barbara Pym

The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys

The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri

Beloved, Toni Morrison

Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert

Like Life, Lorrie Moore

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

The Delta of Venus, Anais Nin

A Thousand Acres, Jane Smiley

A Good Man Is Hard To Find (and Other Stories), Flannery O'Connor

The Shipping News, E. Annie Proulx

You Can't Keep a Good Woman Down, Alice Walker

Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

Fear of Flying, Erica Jong

Earthly Paradise, Colette

Angela's Ashes, Frank McCourt

Property, Valerie Martin

Middlemarch, George Eliot

Annie John, Jamaica Kincaid

The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir

Runaway, Alice Munro

The Heart is A Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers

The Woman Warrior, Maxine Hong Kingston

Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë

You Must Remember This, Joyce Carol Oates

Little Women, Louisa May Alcott

Bad Behavior, Mary Gaitskill

The Liars' Club, Mary Karr

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Betty Smith

And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie

Bastard out of Carolina, Dorothy Allison

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

The Little Disturbances of Man, Grace Paley

The Portable Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker

The Group, Mary McCarthy

Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi

The Golden Notebook, Doris Lessing

The Diary of Anne Frank, Anne Frank

Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

Against Interpretation, Susan Sontag

In the Time of the Butterflies, Julia Alvarez

The Good Earth, Pearl S. Buck

Fun Home, Alison Bechdel

Three Junes, Julia Glass

A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft

Sophie's Choice, William Styron

Valley of the Dolls, Jacqueline Susann

Love in a Cold Climate, Nancy Mitford

Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. LeGuin

The Red Tent, Anita Diamant

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

The Face of War, Martha Gellhorn

My Antonia, Willa Cather

Love In The Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The Harsh Voice, Rebecca West

Spending, Mary Gordon

The Lover, Marguerite Duras

The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

Tell Me a Riddle, Tillie Olsen

Nightwood, Djuna Barnes

Three Lives, Gertrude Stein

Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons

I Capture the Castle, Dodie Smith

Possession, A.S. Byatt

2010-08-11T12:15:00.000-04:00

In other news, have been talking about (other people's) weddings with a lot of people and the singletons in Nonquitt were talking about our fictional future weddings and where we would have them and who we would invite and how easy it is for weddings to get out of control, especially when you happen to have a lot of friends and acquaintances (I think I fall in that category). My current dream wedding would be in Hanover in prime foliage time. So early October or something? Not Homecoming, not my birthday, but maybe Columbus Day? But I can totally see myself wanting to invite EVERYONE and then realizing that I can't do that. It's funny to think about who you might invite at different times in your life. People who come back into your life when you've moved back home, or friends you make when you're living in a certain place. My "guest list" now I'm sure is very different from what it would have been 3 years ago, or what it might be in 5 years.

Yesterday I found some of the correspondence between me and SK from when we first started dating. And it totally made me laugh. The earnestness of this 19 year old boy who was falling very hard for me was very funny to read 8 years after the fact. And, of course, in the same packet is the letter he wrote when we were breaking up. It's fascinating to see the contrast, but also to really understand why those feelings were so strong on either end, because we honestly thought that we were "it" for one another. I used to read these letters and cry because I thought I would never find anyone would would like me as much as he did, but now it's almost heartening. It also reminds me that when we're young we have a lot less baggage. That we grow these thick skins to protect ourselves and sometimes we just need to shave them down a little to let someone in. I'm pretty sure a less earnest guy would have given up on me way before SK did and it's a little sad to see that our relationship appeared to have changed his attitude on the possibility of love so much by the time we broke up. I think I blamed him for a lot of things that probably were as much my fault as they were his. But hey, we were young and thought we were invincible. And now we both wear our scars very differently. Too many metaphors there, sorry.

Another excellent find was a letter to myself after MF and I decided to "take a break." I honestly thought we were going to get back together eventually, but had no idea how it would happen and thus wrote myself into little circles of analysis/17 year old angst. Hilarious stuff. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

2010-08-11T10:02:00.000-04:00

Sitting in the bed I've had since I was 6, watching Slings and Arrows because I can't find what appears to be a legit/free way to watch Mad Men online... I'm heading back to Boston this afternoon after 3ish days in Massachusetts. Took the Bolt up on Saturday night, watched Sherlock Holmes and sat next to a girl who was trying to procure drugs for her friends in the city. She then proceeded to have some fights with her boyfriend. But when the bus seemed like it was breaking down she wasn't a bad person to be next to, at least she was no nonsense and amusing.

Sunday morning I drove down to Nonquitt for AD's birthday weekend. Saw good high school friends I hadn't seen in a while, went swimming, ate delicious food, played lawn games and generally enjoyed being out of the city. On Monday we went sailing, which was very fun. All very waspy and delightful. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with AL catching up, eating, drinking and getting pedicures. Had been a long time since we had spent time together one on one and definitely long overdue. Met up with Pocket, GG and Boxa for dinner in Beacon Hill and got to see Boxa's new apartment and give her some furniture arranging pointers. She has a lovely view of major Boston landmarks (and my dad's office building!) from her patio.

No plans to leave the city again until Labor Day when we're doing a low key birthday weekend in Vermont for my brother. In the meantime I think it's time to organize my plan of attack to get my writing out there. Agents, theatre companies, etc, watch out! It's time to be selfish.

2010-08-04T19:24:00.000-04:00

My love for Barbra (did I tell you about my "accidental" Barbra movie marathon weekend?) forces me to include this on the blog. Jennifer Aniston as Barbra. Hilarious, and amazing. Check out the rest of them at the Harper's website.

photo credit: Mark Seliger

2010-08-01T16:44:00.000-04:00

Life has been quite busy. Full of travel and excessive drinking. My trip to Jackson Hole was fantastic. It's so nice to get to the West and remember that there are amazing mountains and lakes and huge animals roaming around. I bought some cowboy boots that I'm excited to try out when it's a little cooler and relished in my round-trip in first class. Took lots of pictures on my iPhone, none of which quite capture the beauty of it, but this one is a nice one of Taggert Lake, with the Grand Teton in the background.

Wednesday night we got dinner and drinks to celebrate Pocket finishing the bar. It seems like such a crazy endeavor, glad I decided not to go to law school back when I was a junior, memorizing is not a strength of mine. Nor is legal jargon, I still (I kid you not) get confused sometimes about who's the prosecutor and who's the defender. If it weren't for Law & Order I'm sure I would be completely lost. Met up with my brother afterwards to give him the t-shirt that we bought him in Jackson, he's at a wedding this weekend in Hanover, then flying to Norway to meet up with the gf.

Thursday night I met MF downtown for another celebratory post-bar drink. Turned into 3 glasses of wine, 2 beers, a cheese plate and getting kicked out of a bar. Oops. Work the next day was quite painful.

Friday night was Vin's going away party-- started with a house party and then went downtown to Happy Ending. MD and I were stuck in a cab for what felt like an hour and then when we got there were a little underwhelmed. And I had decided to wear heels, which made me cranky. Ended up leaving pretty early, which after a few nights of very little sleep was just fine with me.

Last night was MD's going away party. All these parties are quite depressing. This one seemed to be filled with people either getting married or already married, so I did a lot of marriage small talk, something I'm totally content to do, but was not necessarily expecting. Ran into two D teammates (06s) at the bar, though, so that was funny.

Today I woke up for yoga, went to Whole Foods and have been lazily reading the newspaper and watching TV shows online. Slings and Arrows and The Pillars of the Earth. I'm such a theatre nerd. And where's this rain that's supposed to come? I could have gone outside and enjoyed the day!

2010-07-15T18:52:00.001-04:00

I have returned from New Hampshire, where I managed to "finish" a screenplay (ie, finally figure out what the damn thing is about after 160 pages), read three fantastic plays, finish a book about Shakespeare and get halfway through The House of Mirth. Why live in New York when you can do all sorts of redeeming things on your own in a cabin? Back in Boston for the night then back down to New York with FC in tow. Am seeing The Country Wife again (it got a great review in Backstage) on Friday, working on Saturday, 90s beach party at Lyon and Vin's Saturday night, then inventory at the bookshop on Sunday morning (ouch). Tuesday FC and KM and I are going to go to the Jersey Shore (maybe). Not exactly sure what people do there, but we are intrigued...

Is having a beer before picking up my mother from the airport a bad idea? Eh, too late.

2010-07-05T18:14:00.000-04:00

I spent most of yesterday in Prospect Park with new(ish) friends celebrating the Fourth of July, but also waiting for to hear from a particular ex-boyfriend who has recently resurfaced from his girlfriend-induced disappearance from society. Which of course meant that these new friends had to hear the context of this "epic romance" (I did use the words epic romance to describe our relationship, but only because I had had a fair amount to drink). I told them about the time he tried to have sex with me on an antique couch 9 years ago (I might be hyperbolizing, it was just heavy petting, really), which then led me to the other couch story. Which might be one of the funniest things that I haven't blogged about. It was August of 2007, I was in Boston and getting dinner with SK and we got pretty drunk watching a baseball game and then he invited me up to his apartment (I was in no shape to drive home) and gave me some water and I sat on the couch and after a little while he said "so, do you recognize the couch?" and I said no. And then I asked "wait, is this the couch I lost my virginity on?" And he said yes and I said that I distinctly remember that couch being brown leather. And this one was blueish cloth. And that he must be mistaken. Clearly I had romanticized that night a little more than it warranted. Oops.

I wanted to go back to see whether I had written about that story when it happened, but I think I was too embarrassed by it to recount it. Now that it's been almost 3 years, I find it rather amusing. And will use it in one of my plays (actually, I have used it in one of my plays, though more subtly, not to comic effect).

Taking a bus to Boston tonight, then driving up to Montreal in the morning. Will be back on Thursday evening.

2010-06-30T12:20:00.000-04:00

I got my hours reduced at the bookshop. And not just a "hey, we're changing to summer hours," it's a drastic change. Which is a little scary and frustrating, but I'm trying to see the upshot. I'm going to Montreal for a couple days next week to visit F and his gf. Then at the end of the month I'm going to Jackson Hole with my parents. And then I start training for SAT tutoring. So, it's not the end of the world, but it's a bit of a surprise. And I would have much preferred to have been told, I don't know, a couple weeks ago, rather than having it sprung on me.

And I'm in need of some time to write. Preferably to get away and write. My mother made a very good point, that it's a lot "easier" to write a novel or a screenplay in your spare time because you're working on your own. When you're doing theatre you need to be a lot more flexible because you need to work with other people and find times that work for everyone.

Last night I had a reading of my new play and I thought it went pretty well. Even my high school drama teacher came from Jersey to see it! Good times.

And I updated the software on the iPhone and it makes it feel a lot cooler. It just looks sharper, even though there aren't actually a ton of changes.

It's a gorgeous day, I'm going to head out into the world and pretend everything's ok.

2010-06-22T23:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's kind of embarrassing to google someone and click on articles that you wrote 6 years ago. Especially when you've written absurdly obsequious things about them and their ability to hit a baseball. The world is small.

Crawling into a hole now...

2010-06-21T14:12:00.000-04:00

Returned last night from an epic college reunion. Spent a lot of quality time with my teammates, went for a row, walked around Occum Pond, ate lobster, played some pong, had a two night stand and got about 5 hours sleep total.

Now it's back to being an adult. My writers group starts its reading series tonight and I'm sure I've forgotten many things that I need to do. I also need to finish writing my play. We have our first rehearsal on Thursday!

With that, I leave you with some blissful boy band music from the late 90s.

2010-06-08T00:06:00.000-04:00

Got my wisdom teeth out today and spent a rather amusing afternoon with gauze in my mouth, accidentally drooling on myself and watching Sex & the City. Once the anesthesia wore off I felt much better, had stopped drooling and was near the end of the first season. Later, Boxa came over to hang out and gossip (I've been getting some odd texts and needed some wise guidance) for a few hours and we realized that we had watched parts of season 2 when she was visiting NYC back in April. I swear, life in New York really hasn't changed that much in the past 10 years. Except that some of the "scandalous" trendy things they talk about are pretty old hat. And I think it's hilarious that Charlotte doesn't give blow jobs. But there must have been women in their 30s back then who just DID NOT do it. Bless them.

Tomorrow I should probably do some writing with all my free time. Though I'm tempted to start watching Rome (my parents have both seasons) Or maybe some Tudors episodes from Netflix? To make me appreciate the brilliance of modern medicine.

Now for some percocet and hopefully a restful sleep.

2010-06-02T22:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight was one of those few nights without concrete plans, so I ran around the reservoir. Which was perhaps more ambitious than necessary, but absolutely gorgeous. I got home, drew a cold bath, opened a beer and listened to showtunes and drank beer in the bathtub. It was delightful.

Lots of things going on in my life. Friends visiting, plays to see, books to read, statements to write. It's good, but it's exhausting. Had a fun long weekend. Friday I saw my friend's production of the Libertine, which was quite fun. Saturday I intended to go dancing with Vin and Dana, but the bar we went to was pretty empty, so we ended up going to Brass Monkey, which is always fun, but essentially to crowded to dance. Met some Aussies and some sailors and I was put in a cab because Vin was worried I would take the subway home in a tight short dress. Which I probably would have.

Sunday I had my BBQ, which was quite a success, if I may say so. It ended up with me and a coworker talking about the married co-worker who has a crush on me while Vin crashed on my bed.

Monday was Sex and the City in the morning, then lobster rolls, ice cream and beer, followed by Indian food, and another terrace party. I needed yesterday to recover from the long weekend.

Not much planned for the upcoming weekend, other than hopefully seeing Sarah Ruhl's Passion Play and heading up to Boston for the first NBA Finals game and more importantly, my wisdom teeth removal. Am hoping that I only have to stay up there a couple days, but we'll see. Boxa has promised to be my nursemaid/TV watching companion. And I'm going to try to go the over the counter meds route. Would be terrible if I got addicted to painkillers this late in the game.

2010-05-23T20:17:00.000-04:00

Lots of theatre this week. Rehearsals, performances, writing, "dramaturging."

Thursday night was my only down night, so I had McG over (neighbor and friend's cousin) and we made pasta and veggies and ate on the terrace, it was really lovely. Until I got off my couch and realized I had bled through my dress onto the couch. Really? I thought that sort of thing stopped happening when I turned 14. So I had to dash out to Duane Reade to get hydrogen peroxide, which supposedly cleans blood off of microfiber, except they didn't have any. So I made do with rubbing alcohol, which worked, I guess. It's a good thing I mostly cover my couch with newspapers and bags. I guess I've been so distracted by life to remember that my period was due. Upside? I clearly have no PMS symptoms.

Friday night I went to see a show with my lovely older co-worker who gets free tickets to lots of shows. This time around was the new play with Billy Crudup in it, boy, is he attractive, even when he's playing downtrodden abused writers.

Last night I went out downtown with some D boys. Pretty fun, but this morning I was regretting trying to keep up with a frat boy who just moved back from Australia. No 10am yoga for me. Actually, no getting out of bed before 11 for me. Matinee this afternoon followed by an attempt to "write"/reading the Sunday Styles section.

But this caught my eye. This girl and I interviewed perspective D students together my first year in London and she lived around the corner for me. What an adorable rom-com story! True love does exist! Etc. Etc.

2010-05-18T11:08:00.000-04:00

Many of you may remember that I had a facebook husband for about two years. We "broke up" when he started dating someone seriously in Kansas and she asked him to facebook divorce me. At the time I was irked, but they are now married and living in Switzerland, so I guess I get it.

And now facebook is telling me to reconnect with him. Which is fine, I'm not going to, but it's fine. But what he had actually been my husband for those two years? Is facebook really telling me to reconnect with my ex-husband? Who do they think they are?

That is all.

2010-05-12T09:50:00.000-04:00

And of course I haven't heard from him. Even despite asking him if he'd like to see a play this week. As Boxa said "that boy wouldn't know a good thing if it sent him a facebook message."

You get to a point where you think you really understand when there's a spark or a connection or whatever and then an experience like this makes you think that maybe you don't. That maybe I'm still just as clueless as I was in high school. I'd rather think though that it has nothing to do with me, that he's a flake, or juggling three women and wary of adding a fourth.

So last night after 5 hours of rehearsal, I spent about 20 minutes dancing around to Motown, which almost always makes me feel better. Especially this song. And yes, I dance like a Miracle.

2010-05-07T01:02:00.000-04:00

"date" with the bassist last night was one of those new york nights that feels like it's fake. i basically asked myself out, by asking when his next gig was and was invited to a show last night at a jazz bar in the village. ezi is in town from london, so we met up in times square and then headed down to the village. got to the bar and they were about halfway through their set. i will admit that i know very little about jazz (though i'm learning), but it all sounded pretty good to me (the big band after them, not so much). so he came over after they played and we talked for a bit and then he went to go smoke (alas), and then came back, bought me a drink and around 11 we all went for falafel (me, ezi, her cousin, the bassist and the keyboard player-- which sounds like a quirky british sex drama) and ate on the stoop across the street. then i had to go to off the wagon to use the bathroom (so glad i'm not in college anymore!). there was some confusion about what was going on next, so we all just walked through the village to 14th street, the cousin and the keyboard player peeled off at various points. so ezi and i said our goodbyes at the subway stop near his apartment and headed up time. there was some awkward goodbye banter, but it was cushioned by the fact that there was someone else there.

today i've been a ball of nerves and i can't tell if it's because i ate something weird or if it's because i like him (which sounds so absurd, reading it). but i just want to hear from him again. and want to to hang out again, but not with lots of people and his bass. but at the same time, i feel like making last night a group thing was perfect, much less awkward and much less "let's talk about me." i hung out with the guys in the band and that felt easier because i had people there with me.

of course, the annoying thing is that by waiting to hear from him, i either "lose valuable time" or get more and more antsy and start to think that maybe i imagined the fact that he seemed to like me and want to hang out again (again, it's nice to have someone there who can say, "yes, he was interested"). it's been a year since i've had this feeling.

2010-05-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

Just read an AP article about the attempted bombing in Times Square (where I happen to work) and it mentioned a similar plot in London in 2007. It referred to it as being in the theater district, but I distinctly remember it being in front of Tiger Tiger, a really irritating night club near one or two West End theatres. But it made me wonder why these people are targeting theatre districts and if that says anything about the cultural currency of commercial theatre (or not). Obviously Times Square and the West End are known for more than just theatre, but it's interesting that the connection would be made, even if the connection hasn't been made by the people behind the attempts in the first place .

I'm not suggesting that theatre is under attack, it is much more likely to be about tourism and capitalism and god knows what else. But since I've become slightly obsessed with reading and analyzing Broadway grosses in the past few months (it's really fascinating to see who's making money, who's selling well, who's handing out cheap tickets to everyone in hopes of getting a good word of mouth campaign going), it seems like a a connection worth making. If the targets are where our theatres are then maybe theatre is more tied to the cultural center of New York and London than people in the industry think?

Or is this all confused ramblings of someone who got drunk on mint juleps and beirut and stumbled down Central Park West with a pint of Boston Cream Pie ice cream in my hand at 4am? Maybe it's both.

It's been a very full weekend. I've spent maybe 3 waking hours in my apartment. And tomorrow I return to my Vince Vaughn yoga instructor. Thank god!

2010-04-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

I learned some important lessons this weekend.

One. I am more similar to my maternal grandmother than I realized. It's sad that I had to wait until her memorial service to realize it but I have both her German cheeks and her high-mindedness and reserve. I probably shouldn't have been so hard on her. And I should also try to make myself seem a little more "accessible." (working on yourself when you're 26 is hard)

Two. I need to gossip/meddle less. There's been some drama with three of my closest friends (you know who you are) over a boy. Or particular actions with a boy. And I've realized that my interest in "storytelling" is also blatant gossip. And that as fun as gossip can be, it can also be stress-inducing and unproductive. So I'm aiming to try to engage in productive gossip.

Three. I am NOT ready for children. My two Rochester cousins have kids. One is 3, the other is about 15 months and they are both v. irritating. I'd like to believe that my children will not be irritating, but you never know. I am also bad with kids. I trying to pick up Ronan (the 15 month old) because he was dangerously close to my uncle's stereo system and he started crying immediately. Whoops.

Four. I should take more pictures. We spent Saturday night drinking wine, eating pizza and looking at 6 slide carousels (we threw a white sheet over the TV). It was kind of awesome to see pictures from my grandparents' honeymoon in New Hampshire and my mom and uncle as babies, and my dad as a slightly arrogant looking 23 year old (apparently my great grandmother did not approve of Al).

Can you believe it will be May this weekend? That means two things. 11 months since I've had sex (PR is 18 months) and 11 months since I moved from London. My, how quickly a year can fly by. Am now fb friends with the cute boy from last Monday and last night I messaged him a short but sweet variant of "nice to meet you, let's hang out." My instinct is always that if a boy is interested he'll make a move, but this boy is super cute, so I will make an exception.

2010-04-20T18:42:00.000-04:00

Lots to catch up on. I've been super busy with Boxa in town and theatre company things and writing so tonight's really the first night I have off in awhile. I plan to watch a few episodes of the Tudors and go to bed early.

Last night was the benefit for NFC the theatre company that I'm the literary manager for. It was hosted by Paul Haggis at his loft in Soho and Wynton Marsalis played with two other jazz musicians. I spent most of the evening on a high of adrenaline and sangria and I'd like to think that I played it cool. The party officially ended around 8:45, but we stayed and watched the other two musicians play chess while we drank red wine and chatted until about 10:30. I have a bit of a crush on the bass player. But I have a suspicious feeling I'll never see him again after he scurried down the stairs to catch the F train with his bass over his shoulder, yelling "It was a pleasure, Kate" as the doors closed behind him. But I've googled him. Of course.

Boxa's visit was eventful for all parties involved, with a dash of drama. There was lots of drinking and catching up and walking and good food, even though I had to excuse myself for work on Saturday and a matinee on Sunday. We're all looking forward to having her back on the East Coast where she belongs!

Thursday night there was a Winsor alumnae event on Park Ave at a gorgeous apartment, it was good to see everyone and catch up with some people I didn't know were in town.

Ok, time for Jonathan Rhys-Meyers in my bed (yes, I know it's only quarter to seven, no judgment).

2010-04-11T09:16:00.000-04:00

ok, my listless saturday night funk is over.

this helped (thanks to LP's dad):

10 am yoga, neighborhood brunch and a matinee. go!

2010-04-11T01:33:00.002-04:00

i'm in one of those slightly depressing "everyone is coupling up" moods. but it's brought on by random stuff. first off, everyone in boston appears to be in a serious relationship. and then totally weirdly, the guy i work with who is married but has a thing for me (unrequited), send me a drunken facebook message last night saying that he had had too much whiskey and that he "hearts" me and that he should probably delete it but oh well (i didn't respond and am a little annoyed because we're actually trying to collaborate on this project and i'm like, seriously, you are 32, get your shit together). i thought we got over this back in december!

and then icing on the cake (which really shouldn't be) is that my work crush actually spoke to me/used my name today and i got flustered and giddy and stupid and then did my facebook research tonight and now he appears to be engaged (he was not in december last time i looked him up)! i definitely saw him hanging out with his "fiancee" last week and they are super cute together, so i wasn't harboring any rational desires for him, but still, i had this crazy middle school moment of "HE KNOWS MY NAME" today. even though it was something very mundane like "did you get your newspaper back?" but still, he totally didn't need to ask/use my name! yes, i am definitely 13 again. but i also think my crush on him is a projection of something else, but that's another story for another day.

also, i've hidden most of my former flames on facebook because i don't like getting assaulting with information about them when i don't want it. which means that instead i have occasional binges of checking up on them. did some of that tonight and found some hilarious pictures of s as a child. honestly you never would have thought that this angelic little blond boy would end up being a sociopathic alcoholic, but there you go-- don't judge a book by its cover, or its early stages.

2010-04-08T09:09:00.000-04:00

There is nothing sadder than reading old blog posts about an excruciating break up, but it's also nice to have an easy searchable record of my post-D life. People who have been reading this for over 3 years (congratulations to you), may recall that I found what I thought was a "dream job" back in January 2007. I had just broken up with S, was depressed for the second time in my life and looking for something stable and familiar. I didn't end up applying for the job (which is probably a very good thing), but remember being quite excited about it. Now, an opening for a "dream job" even more suited to my background has come up... However, it does mean that I would be working directly with the woman who never cast me in any plays in middle and high school. So, my chances of getting the job seem like they would be quite slim. I'm also not sure I'm ready to move to Boston and spend my evenings with socially awkward students from single sex schools. But I can probably dash off a cover letter, find some recommendations and then forget about it.

This all comes on the heels of 5 gorgeous days in Boston, hanging out with friends and family, enjoying the sun and feeling like Boston is so much more civilized than New York in a lot of ways. Life decisions are hard. I prefer when they just fall in my lap after I've scrambled to do something else.

2010-04-01T17:06:00.002-04:00

A classic from my adopted home. Happy April Fool's Day!

2010-03-30T00:36:00.002-04:00

Most of you should know about my obsession with Motown and being in a girl group eventually.

Found this on Jezebel and love it:

2010-03-29T00:07:00.000-04:00

Today watching the Duke-Baylor game (man that was stressful), I remembered holing up in a room in the Days Inn in Oak Ridge with a teammate cheering on Duke during March Madness while no one else had any interest in watching the games with us. And it's been good to get back into watching the games now that I'm back in America. Of course because they're the only top team to make it to the Final Four a lot of people will be rooting against them (unless they picked them in their bracket, which I would have done if the bookshop had gotten its act together).

Had a delicious girls brunch in Park Slope this afternoon. I swear, every time I go there I think I should move to Brooklyn. And then I think about how convenient it is to be able to walk across the street to Central Park. Or hang out with friends nearby, or whatever. But if I have kids in New York, they will live in Brooklyn and they will like it.

It's raining again. Which is nice now that I'm inside, but not when I'm wearing boots I don't like getting wet.

Had a text from the boy last night asking if I was out. I definitely was watching a creepy French movie on my couch after too many late nights and too much beer this week. And wrote back saying so. I also have not accepted his facebook friend request. I have to say, I kind of miss 90s dating (not that I did it). Telephones. And messages. And none of this online persona nonsense that could somehow be misinterpreted as "interest" or "mixed messages."

Am actually embroiled in what might be some mixed messages with someone else at the moment, but I'm just going to play it as it lays (a la Joan Didion).

2010-03-27T20:53:00.000-04:00

This is pretty awesome. Spring Awakening in Hebrew. I've been trying to figure out if it's also choreographed by Bill T Jones...

2010-03-25T18:46:00.000-04:00

On a slightly different note, I think there was a point in my life when I wanted to learn this whole dance with a guy. And yet I also think I must have learned part of it in dance class.... The slightly less sexually explicit part, of course.

2010-03-25T18:41:00.000-04:00

So the date was 6 hours of talking and drinking. Sounds fun, right? Yeah, parts of it were. He's nice, but not quite smart and ambitious enough for me. And I'm hotter than he is. So even though when he asked me point blank at the end of the date if I was going to see him again and I said "of course" I've ignored the text he sent me this morning and don't really want to go on another date. I have no problem hanging out and drinking beers with him, but I don't want to date him. I know too much. Which I guess is the nice thing about long dates. You learn enough about someone to get a fuller picture. The problem is that I'm bad at showing disinterest. And spending 6 hours in a bar eating popcorn and drinking beer probably shows interest. So does kissing them goodnight.

Maybe some day I'll learn how to do this dating thing properly. But, at the moment I'm in running away and hiding mode. Or maybe the lack of wanting to do it properly just implies that I don't like him enough to try.

2010-03-23T11:47:00.000-04:00

Had a very busy weekend, lots of socializing and working and seeing shows and catching up with people. So last night I stayed in and watched a Canadian lesbian romantic comedy and ate oatmeal for dinner. Tonight I have my theater company's first benefit. It's a karaoke party at an NYU bar. Hopefully it will be a success and I won't have to sing.

Am supposed to get drinks with the boy on Wednesday. After not texting me for a week, he finally got in touch on Saturday morning apologizing for being MIA and saying he still wanted to get together. First dates feel like chores. Something I know I should do but don't really want to. Or maybe that's the problem. Maybe I shouldn't be going on dates that feel like chores.

This Lenten facebook ban has been great. I feel like less of a stalker, I'm reading more, seeing more movies, leaving my apartment to soak up the sun in New York. On Sundays, because they are feast days, I allow myself to "catch up." And both times I've learned something I almost wish I hadn't learned. There are many people I don't mind hearing about through facebook. There are others I wish I was still in better contact with and don't want to learn things about them via random internet postings. And it just reminds you that you're no longer close and that makes me a little sad. That being said, sometimes these people make choices that remind you why you aren't friends with them anymore... Or you learn why they are no longer contacting you (usually new girlfriends). Which is a not so covert way of saying that two of my exes have seriously moved on, and I'm eating oatmeal and watching lesbian romantic comedies on Monday nights. (#iamlizlemon)

And now a question for my readers. If you know something doesn't have long-term potential, at what stage do you cut things off? If I'm feeling naively optimistic (which could describe most of my dating misadventures in London), I'll ignore it. If I'm feeling harshly critical (most of my misadventures in New York), I'll end things before they begin. The correct answer is probably somewhere in between (hence this date on Wednesday, I guess).

2010-03-14T19:08:00.000-04:00

I was actually quite intrigued by the possibility that Kathryn Bigelow was dating Mark Boal while watching the Oscars, and here the Huffington Post has a little story about it. I've never dated a colleague (though at one point, some readers my recall I seriously thought about it), though I have dated classmates and it was a very similar dynamic. How else do people meet anyway? There's always the fear that you'll break up and it will be horrible and awkward, but I've done that too, and it's never as bad as you think it might be. Especially when you're in a creative field, I think it's hard to ignore the time you spend with someone, how close you get to the other people in such a short period of time.

Wow, someone is blasting Lady Gaga somewhere nearby. At least it sounds like it could be Lady Gaga.

I'm now only one movie away from having watched all 10 Oscar-nominated films. CT came over for tea and Precious. Which was not as bleak as I expected it to be. I got a little tripped up on the logistics, but I'm trying to ignore that. Ultimately I liked it a lot. I hadn't realized it was set in the 80s until I saw it. Sometimes I watch movies and think about how they filmed it so as to make it historically accurate, especially when it's a movie that's only 10-20 years back.